Accidental Memories

I knew rains, holidays etc. are bad news anytime. All my work had piled up to the ceiling and there was no movement towards reaching my targets. I knew this fortnight I would end up with a 100% deficit. I also knew that Madnesh would be stressed out enough come up with something, as always.

I was attending a meeting when this happened. As I was talking through my presentation I heard a loud crash, which is not abnormal where I work, since we are very close to a ship-breaking yard. Any day that you do not hear a fire engine siren means that the workers at the ship-breaking yard are on a strike. So we have various noises of huge steel pieces falling, being cut by blowtorches, hammered into various shapes, the occasional screams of men as they fall to their deaths & my boss singing (which, to the ears, is worse than to hear people screaming). What got my attention this time was I heard Madnesh screaming. I could plainly hear him yell “Oh F****!!” around 20 times till I got out of my office. As I ran out to see the damage a falling Madnesh might have caused to our office, I, instead saw Madnesh along with another engineer running around our premises.

We have in our office premises various antennas, some for radio comm., some for navigational radars etc. Madnesh & his team of engineers found some such antenna or radar defective & like I hunt for scraps of paper to act as if I am working, Madnesh finds faulty nuts & bolts to tighten (I call my this job, analysis & he calls his maintenance) Anyways, the 2 engineers decided to do some “maintenance work” on one of the antennas fixed on the roof. Unfortunately for all the people concerned (even the ones sitting under that roof) the roofing was of steel sheets & not of concrete. So with Madnesh standing on the roof was pushing the luck (of everyone around a 200 mtrs. radius) a bit too much. But fortunately for everyone concerned (inside & outside) he realized what he was doing soon enough & went back to stand on the ladder & guide another person from the ladder itself.

Contrary to Madnesh, with all the wisdom bestowed on him by the almighty for the protection of innocent lives (on the assumptions that he & I are not innocent & the wisdom, if any (which has escaped our attention so far), that Madnesh possesses, protects only the innocents) his boss is a jackass. When he saw what was happening, i.e.Madnesh on a ladder instructing someone else with the work, he lost his remaining linear thought process, unnecessarily termed as “emotion” by psychiatrists. He ran up the adjoining building & jumped through the small staircase window & onto the roof (I knew Mithun films could inspire people into action like in this instance, but I do not want to take anything away from his boss being a thoroughbred jackass). He triumphantly walked over to the person doing the “maintenance work” on the antenna & took over the job, reassigning Madnesh someplace else. As Madnesh finished talking to his boss & went one step down on his ladder, he saw both his boss & his assistant disappear through the roof along with the antenna accompanied by a loud noise as the whole antenna setup got dismantled. Sure that his boss had untimely passed over to the devil before either of us could go first & have a good time minus our bosses, Madnesh started screaming hysterically (although I’d think he was distressed by the fact that the antenna whose only 2 bolts required tightening would require complete installation now). If I ever see something similar happening to my boss even I would start screaming. Pure joy, with experience I realize, cannot be contained.

And that is how I met Madnesh as he was running around inside the premises trying to see where his boss had touched down. He barged first into our logistics dept. As our logistics officer got scared seeing Madnesh rush into his dept. he gave out a loud shriek (he has been swearing since that the water jug kept on his table overturned when he panicked, but I wouldn’t blame him for the real reason. Seeing Madnesh charging at you is a scary sight, even the motorman slows down the train as Madnesh comes running down the Reay Rd. bridge.), hearing the logistics guy scream even Madnesh started to yell. Logistics is where I joined in the rescue operations where the Logistics officer, Madnesh, his department colleague & other people who thought this was some way of bonding were screaming their lungs out, after which to cover the embarrassment they started shouting our Electronics chief’s name, acting as if they were searching for him. I’d guess Madnesh was in a shock as he had seen his boss fall down & was probably scared that he’d have to pick up his boss’ body parts, piece by piece. I, as always, was the good for nothing pest who was trying to scare him some more. Just then I heard his friend say “Maybe both of them are stuck inside the false ceiling & got tangled in the insulations” I knew fear numbed the thought processes but to expect a 6’ 5”, 130 Kgs. person getting stuck in the insulation was bit in the extremely deranged mind category & as I always do when I find myself of no use or out of place or want to run away from my life & their problems (the last piece of conclusion is courtesy of my personal shrink, Abs), started laughing out loud without noticing that our Managing Director was standing behind me. I still haven’t understood what was it exactly that made my MD want to throw me out, coz whatever she muttered under her breath sounded exactly as she does every time she sees me.

It was quite a shock then to see the 2 disappeared entities entering through our security post. It appears that the 2 of them were standing on the edge of the roof, which sloped out onto the street & had fallen through the roof out on the main street. The news that I received later (after I was unfairly thrown out of the “search, rescue & ridicule operations”) was that Madnesh’s Boss had a hairline fracture to his vertebrae & was rushed to the hospital by Madnesh that evening (at least the hell remains safe till I get in) & the other dude got out with minor cuts, although a fracture to his collarbone is not ruled out, he refuses any doctors coming near him.

This incident brought me back the memories of my own accidents. None of them were ever serious, but on each occasion I had to go under a surgeon’s knife. I don’t think anyone could call stepping on an odd nail lying on the ground an accident but I do, coz I had to visit a surgeon to get a piece of my shoe sole which I was wearing when I stepped on the nail & which had pierced through the sole of my foot along with the nail, had stayed there for 3 years, faithfully, might I add i.e. without giving any pain etc, only the swelling once in a while gave its hiding place away. I fail to remember who was more surprised the surgeons or my parents. I have since learnt a valuable lesson, act surprised when people around you seem surprised. I had a hell of a time explaining both my parents & the inquisitive doctor how the piece of shoe sole came to be in the ankle. Anyone who sees this story on Ripleys kindly inform me, I’ll try to collect the fees that I have paid the surgeon from the royalty that he might be earning.

Second incident was when I broke my elbow when I fell down from a 3ft. high wall. The best part was, as a kid, I remember jumping from 10ft.high walls without spraining an ankle (abs, appoo you guys remember?). Went to some hospital close by where the doctor was whispering something to my dad so he was quite shocked when I asked him straight up when the operation would be? The angle in which my hand was lying limp below the elbow did not require the surgeon to tell me that I’d require an operation, but somehow it seemed to me that the doctor was hell-bent on insulting my IQ. I’d be scared if he’d have told me that he’d set the bone right without any surgical procedure just by pulling at the hand. Then there was the nerve, which was unfortunate to have come in the way of my splintering bones & had paralyzed my 2 fingers for a couple of months. Of course I learnt then that the doctors are happier if you act scared. I earned a full-blown 1992 (I think) FIFA World Cup Schedule with players’ posters when I showed the doc that I was scared of him cutting open my plaster. I knew I should’ve taken up acting. The best part was after the plaster came off my hand looked like the pincers of the praying mantis & it was that thin. I know for sure that I’ll break my bones or die only if I fall from a height of less than 3 ft.

The next time it was again to do with my legs, my knees to be precise. They’d just buckle when I bent down in certain fashion. Went to a doc who advised me that he’d perform small surgical procedure to find out what the problem was & then if need be perform another procedure to correct it. T’Was hard on my mind but had to refuse him then, two scars at the same time was too good to believe. I am happy with the scars I have till date & luckily my knees hold me steady till today. Of course the doc tried to scare my parents to ask me to go under the knife saying that my knee might buckle while crossing roads or traveling in a train (while Abs was trying to scare me). Little does the doc know that my heart is too weak either to go walking for distances more than 500 mtrs. Or to stand in the train. I knew laziness would pay off sometime.

I don’t know how time flew in between the accidents but I was left with a lot of scars to make sure I’d never have to think while filling any forms when the question read “Any Identification marks?” I have the luxury of giving addresses of different scars for all my ID papers. And I do not have to strip to show any moles placed strategically at birth, in other peoples cases, at the airport security check…I just raise my hand & walk off. What’s next I don’t know but the way things are going I guess it’d have to be a heart attack.

I can’t help but laugh as I look back, life was weird then than it is now. I think I am getting old or lazy or both to be doing stupid things. Wisdom sucks the joy out of living.

Rains, Old Monk & Tandoori Tuesday

Two super days of absolute adventure over, I am back at my desk trying to trace where most of my colleagues are & to find whichever scraps of paper I can to show people that I am working, while I write this post.

Started Tuesday with a mild flu like symptoms, didn’t want to leave home but for the last day of my super-accountant from Kolkata. Decided I’d just go visit him in the office, kiss his feet so that he would be ready to part with branch information more easily & not shout over the phone as to how the branch functions more efficiently than the HO & then describe the ways in which the unions in Kolkata deal with demanding bosses. After kissing the brand new “Hush Puppies” (someone in Bata should be decorated for coming out with such a name for men’s footwear) took my boss’ sign on my half-day leave application which I had made complex enough with various medical terms & settled down to waste 4 hours grumbling about body ache. At around lunchtime (we have taken it upon ourselves to have flexible lunch hours, which gives us an opportunity to snack every 2 hours or so) the drizzle started & I decided to postpone leaving a bit. Also I should mention that I am not a fan of the rains, neither do I like water as such (unless it is mixed with cola syrup & sugar). Within no time the rains had increased & the compound in front of our office was submerged (1 hour is all it took). As the time progressed to 4 PM, the ladies were asked to leave (I was stopped even though I was ready to sign a declaration stating that I was a lady) in an office car. I was left at the office with my team, when my boss called me to pack up & offered me a lift to Bandra. Since Bandra has been lucky for only 2 people, myself & “the madnesh”, I invited him along too (here I must mention, to his credit, madnesh was the only person with rainwear, he had taken with him the micro mini umbrellas that you can fold 5 times & store it in your breast pocket. So he had protection for his right or left arm, depending on the hand he would hold the umbrella in). Madnesh & myself began the long walk.

4.30 PM, 26^th July, 2005 – Follow the Leader.

In the course of which, at the first turn we took we encountered waist deep water. As the silent walk went on, we noticed that the water level had increased till our chest & my boss had disappeared (not drowned though, unfortunately). The 2 of us incredibles, madnesh & myself minus our bags but with a micro mini umbrella, were left to fend for ourselves in an unknown area (you would expect more determination from 2 grown ups, but we were lost & hungry, we were scared to be so far away from any office, restaurant, my mom & (in madnesh’s case) fiancé). After wading in the chest high waters for a couple of minutes (actually I was hoping I’d be able to find my boss while kicking around in the water & then ask madnesh to stamp on him to free the world of a marwari) we decided to head back to our base station & find some food first.

5.15 PM- Unanimously decided to head back to Reay Road Station to take stock of the situation & food supplies, if any, in Reay Road.

Reay Road station looked like a transit camp, with no standing room on the platforms, there were old people & ladies who must’ve been standing there for more than 2 hours min. At this time my boss called up & asked the both of us to come walking to Byculla Station (guess around 1.5 – 2 Km. farther) in rain, so that the 3 of us best friends could go home by cab. As we came out of the Reay Rd. Station we met the ladies contingent that had gone out before us in the comfortable office jeep, returning back to the office due to heavy traffic & flooding & despite their pitiful condition, I couldn’t help noticing 3 office guys with them (so the declaration would’ve worked if I’d have held out long enough). It was also obvious that after 2 – 2 ½ hrs. of rain the traffic situation was really bad & we could no longer by the road, only if the trains started or we walked the whole way would we be able to go home.

7.00 PM – Met the wise monk.

Since Madnesh & I were the only 2 fit or adventurous guys in the company we decided to continue going towards our homes even after the ladies contingent begged us to come back to the office (nah, they didn’t give a damn whether we lived or died). Initially in the “josh” of the moment we kept on walking through the debris strewn by lanes of central Mumbai & covered quite a lot of distance (or so we thought) but ended up walking till the next station. We again encountered chest high water & decided to head back to the office & stay there till everything settled down. While going back we smelled a divine smell. Smell so warm & refreshing that we had to enter the place. There we met our long lost friend or rather a friend we had chosen to ignore for so many years. That first sip of Old Monk XXX Rum left a sensation of sitting in front of a fireplace, the dual sensation of hot & cold, the cold outside & hot rum inside. We overdid the fireplace thing, when we got up to go (just because they were closing the bar at 1.30 AM) we had finished a full bottle of rum & yet the rains had not stopped & neither had our appetite for rum. The problem with rum is you need to eat a tandoori chicken with it, & when your boss calls you & asks you to save the food bill for reimbursement, you feel like having two. So while Mumbai stopped & people drowned & died, me & madnesh sat talking, with the help of the grand old monk & a tandoori chicken, about our past, our families, scary marriage scenarios (madnesh's).

10.30 – Find a dry banian!!!??

Before we had drunk too much we decided we’d go & crash at a hotel at dockyard road where the super accountant from kolkata was staying during his visit here. We informed him about our intentions & bribed him with his own qtr.bottle of “botka” (as he likes to call vodka).

As the memories & daaru flowed freely (it should be the other way round, I think) I received a call from my boss telling me he had crashed at the hotel before we did & now he wanted us to bring him some food & before he hung up, he told me “Bird, are there any stores open that side? I need you to buy me a banian.” The carefully built up tempo of our conversation, expensive & extensive counseling by the old monk to relive & forget the old & new fears, were shattered by a new challenge of buying a banian for my boss at 10.30 in the night in a city which was slowly drowning (actually bigger challenge was to hold my laughter till I finished talking with my boss). We felt it our duty to buy 2 more bottles for our mildly senile boss, obviously he was in a shock. There we were, on one side my boss, who, when people were dying, were spending a night in a train for the next 12 hrs. without food or water, when the houses that they lived in did not have a single thing that they could call dry, was expecting us to find him a brand new banian & on the other side the two of us, drinking, eating & making merry, were not even worried about our boss having to sleep minus the banian (I must mention here that the quest for new banian was completed by our ever-helpful nepali peons, who not only found my boss a banian but also managed to lay their hands on a lungi).

1.30 AM – Hotel.

I decided to call my boss before we squared off the bill at 1.30 AM, as the waiters threatened to throw us out otherwise. I wanted to know what he’d want to have for dinner at 1.30 AM ( I wanted him to eat as much as he could so that he’d forgive me for not buying him a clean banian). I was surprised to know that even in such trying times as that day, my boss had efficiently ordered from a nearby pizza outlet & had already slept. So the 2 of us walked back to our hotel in the rains, put up the clothes for drying, put on the towel, drank till 5 AM & then tried to sleep (the disturbance being Madnesh’s phone which kept ringing after every 15 mins. At first I thought it might be an alarm but found out later that many people were missing Madnesh.)

3.30 PM, 27^th July 2005 – Homeward Bound

As it neared lunchtime the next day, we decided to catch a cab & go to Delhi Durbaar near Bhendi Bazaar. Had our fill & decided to get back to Churchgate & catch an Andheri Local. This time too Madnesh argued with me to go by cab till Bandra & then at Bandra, decide the future course of action. For the first time (in my knowledge) Madnesh proved to be right, the trains were running only till Mahalaxmi & then from Bandra onwards, as a result of which the exit of Mahalaxmi station looked like a bomb shelter & there was no way we could get a cab there (I’ve always hated Mahalaxmi for the simple reason that Essar’s main office is situated there & I had my first failure working in my present company at Essar. Also the receptionists there gave me a smaller conference room than what I had expected & asked for.). We reached Mahim in ½ hr. flat & as we came out near Mahim Church there was a huge traffic jam. The cars were just standing still (for the first time in proper lanes), in some cases the drivers had just walked off leaving the cars in the middle of the road. There were Fire Engines & Ambulances trapped in between, it was all chaos & to add to it Madnesh was going to walk through it. In such a scenario we started a long walk back to our homes. Before going any further, I’d like to ask every person who travels towards Bandra to look into the Mahim creek. I always thought that the natural colour of the water was black, but due to the heavy rains & the great amounts of clean fresh water introduced into the creek, the water’s turned muddy brown. Couple more days of rains would’ve got the water’s colour to blue. I suggest everyone to go & see the miraculous change.

I do not remember much, but I could see a lot of people walking, felt like being in a protest march or something. With the lane of S V Road which goes north bombay, full of cars parked & the other lane full of people trying to reach home. Around Khar Jn. I heard singing, surprised I turned around to find Madnesh covered in sweat, stumbling along, totally exhausted, singing!!! Not humming or anything but loud singing. As I started to sing along with him I realized it got our minds off the details like which area we were in, or how much walking was still required or to ignore the dead man we saw on the footpath near khar station. We went on singing & marching (& drinking tea, eating biscuits, thanks to all those beautiful people who mistook our singing for crying).

I hate writing about the good times I had when so many people suffered but I guess I have written this post so that I could archive for the future that I had really walked so much, even tell my kids the day when I walked from Mahim to Andheri. Also if any people other than Iyer read this post, to publicly thank that old dude who had joined us at Mahim in our march. We got home because we did not want to look exhausted in front of the old dude & the old dude must’ve gone home happy that he was in a better shape than 2 young guys (Hope he reached home safely).

I'd like to finish this post off on what H G Wells had once written , “While there is a chance of the world getting through its troubles, I hold that a reasonable man has to behave as though he were sure of it. If at the end, your cheerfulness is not justified, at any rate you will have been cheerful.”