Accidental Memories

I knew rains, holidays etc. are bad news anytime. All my work had piled up to the ceiling and there was no movement towards reaching my targets. I knew this fortnight I would end up with a 100% deficit. I also knew that Madnesh would be stressed out enough come up with something, as always.

I was attending a meeting when this happened. As I was talking through my presentation I heard a loud crash, which is not abnormal where I work, since we are very close to a ship-breaking yard. Any day that you do not hear a fire engine siren means that the workers at the ship-breaking yard are on a strike. So we have various noises of huge steel pieces falling, being cut by blowtorches, hammered into various shapes, the occasional screams of men as they fall to their deaths & my boss singing (which, to the ears, is worse than to hear people screaming). What got my attention this time was I heard Madnesh screaming. I could plainly hear him yell “Oh F****!!” around 20 times till I got out of my office. As I ran out to see the damage a falling Madnesh might have caused to our office, I, instead saw Madnesh along with another engineer running around our premises.

We have in our office premises various antennas, some for radio comm., some for navigational radars etc. Madnesh & his team of engineers found some such antenna or radar defective & like I hunt for scraps of paper to act as if I am working, Madnesh finds faulty nuts & bolts to tighten (I call my this job, analysis & he calls his maintenance) Anyways, the 2 engineers decided to do some “maintenance work” on one of the antennas fixed on the roof. Unfortunately for all the people concerned (even the ones sitting under that roof) the roofing was of steel sheets & not of concrete. So with Madnesh standing on the roof was pushing the luck (of everyone around a 200 mtrs. radius) a bit too much. But fortunately for everyone concerned (inside & outside) he realized what he was doing soon enough & went back to stand on the ladder & guide another person from the ladder itself.

Contrary to Madnesh, with all the wisdom bestowed on him by the almighty for the protection of innocent lives (on the assumptions that he & I are not innocent & the wisdom, if any (which has escaped our attention so far), that Madnesh possesses, protects only the innocents) his boss is a jackass. When he saw what was happening, i.e.Madnesh on a ladder instructing someone else with the work, he lost his remaining linear thought process, unnecessarily termed as “emotion” by psychiatrists. He ran up the adjoining building & jumped through the small staircase window & onto the roof (I knew Mithun films could inspire people into action like in this instance, but I do not want to take anything away from his boss being a thoroughbred jackass). He triumphantly walked over to the person doing the “maintenance work” on the antenna & took over the job, reassigning Madnesh someplace else. As Madnesh finished talking to his boss & went one step down on his ladder, he saw both his boss & his assistant disappear through the roof along with the antenna accompanied by a loud noise as the whole antenna setup got dismantled. Sure that his boss had untimely passed over to the devil before either of us could go first & have a good time minus our bosses, Madnesh started screaming hysterically (although I’d think he was distressed by the fact that the antenna whose only 2 bolts required tightening would require complete installation now). If I ever see something similar happening to my boss even I would start screaming. Pure joy, with experience I realize, cannot be contained.

And that is how I met Madnesh as he was running around inside the premises trying to see where his boss had touched down. He barged first into our logistics dept. As our logistics officer got scared seeing Madnesh rush into his dept. he gave out a loud shriek (he has been swearing since that the water jug kept on his table overturned when he panicked, but I wouldn’t blame him for the real reason. Seeing Madnesh charging at you is a scary sight, even the motorman slows down the train as Madnesh comes running down the Reay Rd. bridge.), hearing the logistics guy scream even Madnesh started to yell. Logistics is where I joined in the rescue operations where the Logistics officer, Madnesh, his department colleague & other people who thought this was some way of bonding were screaming their lungs out, after which to cover the embarrassment they started shouting our Electronics chief’s name, acting as if they were searching for him. I’d guess Madnesh was in a shock as he had seen his boss fall down & was probably scared that he’d have to pick up his boss’ body parts, piece by piece. I, as always, was the good for nothing pest who was trying to scare him some more. Just then I heard his friend say “Maybe both of them are stuck inside the false ceiling & got tangled in the insulations” I knew fear numbed the thought processes but to expect a 6’ 5”, 130 Kgs. person getting stuck in the insulation was bit in the extremely deranged mind category & as I always do when I find myself of no use or out of place or want to run away from my life & their problems (the last piece of conclusion is courtesy of my personal shrink, Abs), started laughing out loud without noticing that our Managing Director was standing behind me. I still haven’t understood what was it exactly that made my MD want to throw me out, coz whatever she muttered under her breath sounded exactly as she does every time she sees me.

It was quite a shock then to see the 2 disappeared entities entering through our security post. It appears that the 2 of them were standing on the edge of the roof, which sloped out onto the street & had fallen through the roof out on the main street. The news that I received later (after I was unfairly thrown out of the “search, rescue & ridicule operations”) was that Madnesh’s Boss had a hairline fracture to his vertebrae & was rushed to the hospital by Madnesh that evening (at least the hell remains safe till I get in) & the other dude got out with minor cuts, although a fracture to his collarbone is not ruled out, he refuses any doctors coming near him.

This incident brought me back the memories of my own accidents. None of them were ever serious, but on each occasion I had to go under a surgeon’s knife. I don’t think anyone could call stepping on an odd nail lying on the ground an accident but I do, coz I had to visit a surgeon to get a piece of my shoe sole which I was wearing when I stepped on the nail & which had pierced through the sole of my foot along with the nail, had stayed there for 3 years, faithfully, might I add i.e. without giving any pain etc, only the swelling once in a while gave its hiding place away. I fail to remember who was more surprised the surgeons or my parents. I have since learnt a valuable lesson, act surprised when people around you seem surprised. I had a hell of a time explaining both my parents & the inquisitive doctor how the piece of shoe sole came to be in the ankle. Anyone who sees this story on Ripleys kindly inform me, I’ll try to collect the fees that I have paid the surgeon from the royalty that he might be earning.

Second incident was when I broke my elbow when I fell down from a 3ft. high wall. The best part was, as a kid, I remember jumping from 10ft.high walls without spraining an ankle (abs, appoo you guys remember?). Went to some hospital close by where the doctor was whispering something to my dad so he was quite shocked when I asked him straight up when the operation would be? The angle in which my hand was lying limp below the elbow did not require the surgeon to tell me that I’d require an operation, but somehow it seemed to me that the doctor was hell-bent on insulting my IQ. I’d be scared if he’d have told me that he’d set the bone right without any surgical procedure just by pulling at the hand. Then there was the nerve, which was unfortunate to have come in the way of my splintering bones & had paralyzed my 2 fingers for a couple of months. Of course I learnt then that the doctors are happier if you act scared. I earned a full-blown 1992 (I think) FIFA World Cup Schedule with players’ posters when I showed the doc that I was scared of him cutting open my plaster. I knew I should’ve taken up acting. The best part was after the plaster came off my hand looked like the pincers of the praying mantis & it was that thin. I know for sure that I’ll break my bones or die only if I fall from a height of less than 3 ft.

The next time it was again to do with my legs, my knees to be precise. They’d just buckle when I bent down in certain fashion. Went to a doc who advised me that he’d perform small surgical procedure to find out what the problem was & then if need be perform another procedure to correct it. T’Was hard on my mind but had to refuse him then, two scars at the same time was too good to believe. I am happy with the scars I have till date & luckily my knees hold me steady till today. Of course the doc tried to scare my parents to ask me to go under the knife saying that my knee might buckle while crossing roads or traveling in a train (while Abs was trying to scare me). Little does the doc know that my heart is too weak either to go walking for distances more than 500 mtrs. Or to stand in the train. I knew laziness would pay off sometime.

I don’t know how time flew in between the accidents but I was left with a lot of scars to make sure I’d never have to think while filling any forms when the question read “Any Identification marks?” I have the luxury of giving addresses of different scars for all my ID papers. And I do not have to strip to show any moles placed strategically at birth, in other peoples cases, at the airport security check…I just raise my hand & walk off. What’s next I don’t know but the way things are going I guess it’d have to be a heart attack.

I can’t help but laugh as I look back, life was weird then than it is now. I think I am getting old or lazy or both to be doing stupid things. Wisdom sucks the joy out of living.