Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Rains, Old Monk & Tandoori Tuesday

Two super days of absolute adventure over, I am back at my desk trying to trace where most of my colleagues are & to find whichever scraps of paper I can to show people that I am working, while I write this post.

Started Tuesday with a mild flu like symptoms, didn’t want to leave home but for the last day of my super-accountant from Kolkata. Decided I’d just go visit him in the office, kiss his feet so that he would be ready to part with branch information more easily & not shout over the phone as to how the branch functions more efficiently than the HO & then describe the ways in which the unions in Kolkata deal with demanding bosses. After kissing the brand new “Hush Puppies” (someone in Bata should be decorated for coming out with such a name for men’s footwear) took my boss’ sign on my half-day leave application which I had made complex enough with various medical terms & settled down to waste 4 hours grumbling about body ache. At around lunchtime (we have taken it upon ourselves to have flexible lunch hours, which gives us an opportunity to snack every 2 hours or so) the drizzle started & I decided to postpone leaving a bit. Also I should mention that I am not a fan of the rains, neither do I like water as such (unless it is mixed with cola syrup & sugar). Within no time the rains had increased & the compound in front of our office was submerged (1 hour is all it took). As the time progressed to 4 PM, the ladies were asked to leave (I was stopped even though I was ready to sign a declaration stating that I was a lady) in an office car. I was left at the office with my team, when my boss called me to pack up & offered me a lift to Bandra. Since Bandra has been lucky for only 2 people, myself & “the madnesh”, I invited him along too (here I must mention, to his credit, madnesh was the only person with rainwear, he had taken with him the micro mini umbrellas that you can fold 5 times & store it in your breast pocket. So he had protection for his right or left arm, depending on the hand he would hold the umbrella in). Madnesh & myself began the long walk.

4.30 PM, 26th July, 2005 – Follow the Leader.

In the course of which, at the first turn we took we encountered waist deep water. As the silent walk went on, we noticed that the water level had increased till our chest & my boss had disappeared (not drowned though, unfortunately). The 2 of us incredibles, madnesh & myself minus our bags but with a micro mini umbrella, were left to fend for ourselves in an unknown area (you would expect more determination from 2 grown ups, but we were lost & hungry, we were scared to be so far away from any office, restaurant, my mom & (in madnesh’s case) fiancé). After wading in the chest high waters for a couple of minutes (actually I was hoping I’d be able to find my boss while kicking around in the water & then ask madnesh to stamp on him to free the world of a marwari) we decided to head back to our base station & find some food first.

5.15 PM- Unanimously decided to head back to Reay Road Station to take stock of the situation & food supplies, if any, in Reay Road.

Reay Road station looked like a transit camp, with no standing room on the platforms, there were old people & ladies who must’ve been standing there for more than 2 hours min. At this time my boss called up & asked the both of us to come walking to Byculla Station (guess around 1.5 – 2 Km. farther) in rain, so that the 3 of us best friends could go home by cab. As we came out of the Reay Rd. Station we met the ladies contingent that had gone out before us in the comfortable office jeep, returning back to the office due to heavy traffic & flooding & despite their pitiful condition, I couldn’t help noticing 3 office guys with them (so the declaration would’ve worked if I’d have held out long enough). It was also obvious that after 2 – 2 ½ hrs. of rain the traffic situation was really bad & we could no longer by the road, only if the trains started or we walked the whole way would we be able to go home.

7.00 PM – Met the wise monk.

Since Madnesh & I were the only 2 fit or adventurous guys in the company we decided to continue going towards our homes even after the ladies contingent begged us to come back to the office (nah, they didn’t give a damn whether we lived or died). Initially in the “josh” of the moment we kept on walking through the debris strewn by lanes of central Mumbai & covered quite a lot of distance (or so we thought) but ended up walking till the next station. We again encountered chest high water & decided to head back to the office & stay there till everything settled down. While going back we smelled a divine smell. Smell so warm & refreshing that we had to enter the place. There we met our long lost friend or rather a friend we had chosen to ignore for so many years. That first sip of Old Monk XXX Rum left a sensation of sitting in front of a fireplace, the dual sensation of hot & cold, the cold outside & hot rum inside. We overdid the fireplace thing, when we got up to go (just because they were closing the bar at 1.30 AM) we had finished a full bottle of rum & yet the rains had not stopped & neither had our appetite for rum. The problem with rum is you need to eat a tandoori chicken with it, & when your boss calls you & asks you to save the food bill for reimbursement, you feel like having two. So while Mumbai stopped & people drowned & died, me & madnesh sat talking, with the help of the grand old monk & a tandoori chicken, about our past, our families, scary marriage scenarios (madnesh's).

10.30 – Find a dry banian!!!??

Before we had drunk too much we decided we’d go & crash at a hotel at dockyard road where the super accountant from kolkata was staying during his visit here. We informed him about our intentions & bribed him with his own qtr.bottle of “botka” (as he likes to call vodka).

As the memories & daaru flowed freely (it should be the other way round, I think) I received a call from my boss telling me he had crashed at the hotel before we did & now he wanted us to bring him some food & before he hung up, he told me “Bird, are there any stores open that side? I need you to buy me a banian.” The carefully built up tempo of our conversation, expensive & extensive counseling by the old monk to relive & forget the old & new fears, were shattered by a new challenge of buying a banian for my boss at 10.30 in the night in a city which was slowly drowning (actually bigger challenge was to hold my laughter till I finished talking with my boss). We felt it our duty to buy 2 more bottles for our mildly senile boss, obviously he was in a shock. There we were, on one side my boss, who, when people were dying, were spending a night in a train for the next 12 hrs. without food or water, when the houses that they lived in did not have a single thing that they could call dry, was expecting us to find him a brand new banian & on the other side the two of us, drinking, eating & making merry, were not even worried about our boss having to sleep minus the banian (I must mention here that the quest for new banian was completed by our ever-helpful nepali peons, who not only found my boss a banian but also managed to lay their hands on a lungi).

1.30 AM – Hotel.

I decided to call my boss before we squared off the bill at 1.30 AM, as the waiters threatened to throw us out otherwise. I wanted to know what he’d want to have for dinner at 1.30 AM ( I wanted him to eat as much as he could so that he’d forgive me for not buying him a clean banian). I was surprised to know that even in such trying times as that day, my boss had efficiently ordered from a nearby pizza outlet & had already slept. So the 2 of us walked back to our hotel in the rains, put up the clothes for drying, put on the towel, drank till 5 AM & then tried to sleep (the disturbance being Madnesh’s phone which kept ringing after every 15 mins. At first I thought it might be an alarm but found out later that many people were missing Madnesh.)

3.30 PM, 27th July 2005 – Homeward Bound

As it neared lunchtime the next day, we decided to catch a cab & go to Delhi Durbaar near Bhendi Bazaar. Had our fill & decided to get back to Churchgate & catch an Andheri Local. This time too Madnesh argued with me to go by cab till Bandra & then at Bandra, decide the future course of action. For the first time (in my knowledge) Madnesh proved to be right, the trains were running only till Mahalaxmi & then from Bandra onwards, as a result of which the exit of Mahalaxmi station looked like a bomb shelter & there was no way we could get a cab there (I’ve always hated Mahalaxmi for the simple reason that Essar’s main office is situated there & I had my first failure working in my present company at Essar. Also the receptionists there gave me a smaller conference room than what I had expected & asked for.). We reached Mahim in ½ hr. flat & as we came out near Mahim Church there was a huge traffic jam. The cars were just standing still (for the first time in proper lanes), in some cases the drivers had just walked off leaving the cars in the middle of the road. There were Fire Engines & Ambulances trapped in between, it was all chaos & to add to it Madnesh was going to walk through it. In such a scenario we started a long walk back to our homes. Before going any further, I’d like to ask every person who travels towards Bandra to look into the Mahim creek. I always thought that the natural colour of the water was black, but due to the heavy rains & the great amounts of clean fresh water introduced into the creek, the water’s turned muddy brown. Couple more days of rains would’ve got the water’s colour to blue. I suggest everyone to go & see the miraculous change.

I do not remember much, but I could see a lot of people walking, felt like being in a protest march or something. With the lane of S V Road which goes north bombay, full of cars parked & the other lane full of people trying to reach home. Around Khar Jn. I heard singing, surprised I turned around to find Madnesh covered in sweat, stumbling along, totally exhausted, singing!!! Not humming or anything but loud singing. As I started to sing along with him I realized it got our minds off the details like which area we were in, or how much walking was still required or to ignore the dead man we saw on the footpath near khar station. We went on singing & marching (& drinking tea, eating biscuits, thanks to all those beautiful people who mistook our singing for crying).

I hate writing about the good times I had when so many people suffered but I guess I have written this post so that I could archive for the future that I had really walked so much, even tell my kids the day when I walked from Mahim to Andheri. Also if any people other than Iyer read this post, to publicly thank that old dude who had joined us at Mahim in our march. We got home because we did not want to look exhausted in front of the old dude & the old dude must’ve gone home happy that he was in a better shape than 2 young guys (Hope he reached home safely).

I'd like to finish this post off on what H G Wells had once written , “While there is a chance of the world getting through its troubles, I hold that a reasonable man has to behave as though he were sure of it. If at the end, your cheerfulness is not justified, at any rate you will have been cheerful.”

28 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hats off birdie num num...

you are the undisputed king of satire...

muah

2:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

more black humour than satire ...

now we have to wait till december for the next post

super post birdass

3:38 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

All in all, glad that the Bird has landed safely!

8:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bird,
you need to write more often.
btw - does ur boss really call u bird??? lol!

- bakshi

5:02 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Yeah... really, your Boss call ya bird? If yes, please pay Bakshi $XXXXX as fees!

6:16 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

Bakshi will definitely try to write more. And no, my boss does not call me Bird. While speaking with me, he generally refers to me as "Arre *******" & in a crowd I make sure I do not have to speak with him :).

And appoo, as soon as FEMA is ammended I'll start buying dollars & pay bakshi royalty. (BTW the name Bird is currently being used only for non-commercial purposes, when i start earning profit "from the use of this name" we share the "profits after taxes" in a ratio of 50:40)

4:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hush Puppies is for guys? I always thot it ws for women! :|

Whatever has the boss done to deserve being squished by Madnesh?

Nepali peons seem very very resourceful..dry banian and lay their hands on a lungi too?

Hilarious post! Made me miss bombay! :(

12:16 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

Yes garfy, hush puppies are for guys the shoe box even has picture of 2 puppies.

My nepali peons are so resourceful that they have ration cards, indian passports & bank accounts. So finding dry banian was a small task for them. Finding lungi was necessary coz we aint used to seeing our boss in towel.

Even I miss "my bombay".

10:57 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

I liked this post. Its the only one I've read about 'Terrible Tuesday' that isn't morose or dukhi. I hope you'll post more often.

2:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

seriously, bird you are thg guy who can make people laugh over their sorrows... except for the revolt that you brought on gmail over the insurance call... *grrrrrr*

3:32 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

Smithy, unfortunately, unlike me, many people suffered & that shows in their posts. Those 2 days were like a picnic for my friend & me. Glad you liked the post & i'll try to post more, but i find writing a pain.

Iyer, if you keep distributing my cell fone numbers to all & sundry you leave me no option but to abuse you. I don't remember to have abused you before, have i?

Garfy, intend to hire a secretary to write. I'll just dictate my post. Yea all my colleagues are ok. Even the 3 who had decided to walk all the way from the office, that too around midnight. I never thought i'd see them alive (especially since 1 of them owed me money) but they made it.

My Bombay is the Bombay before the 1993 riots. Bombay changed after that, that old bombay was my bombay.

2:11 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

IdeaSmith: Thats Bird. Happy when Dukkhi and Dukkhi when Happy!

Which is why - BIRD ROX!

3:29 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

IdeaSmith: Thats Bird. Happy when Dukkhi and Dukkhi when Happy!

Which is why - BIRD ROX!

3:29 AM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Ah...pleased to meet you, Bird. I'm IdeaSmith: Thoughtful when Dukhi, Dukhi when happy. Would that make me a bird of the same feather (or weather in the current situation)?

10:48 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

pleased to meet you too smithy. Ignore appoo, i tend to be sad when happy & sad when sad, I basically have only one emotion sadness. If people find my narration of days events funny there is nothing I can do. If iyer laughs after he hears how my boss almost kicked me out of my job, what can I do?

The title Bird is mine. No one uses the title Bird (either this feather or that) till I am alive.

Garfy, with the way I am working I'll be forced to retire pretty soon . The interviews for the post of secretary are presently on, so please be patient for a while longer.

Its pretty hard to explain to a person who has just visted the Bombay University Juice Stall & other couple of places (around a 1.5 km radius of the juice stall) as to how bombay has changed. The places & your juice stall vendor may be the same but it is how they (juice stall dude & other citizens) behave that has changed.

See what you've done? you've made me write so much & waste my precious energy.

2:26 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Ah...my apologies, I won't encroach on your name territory.

Hey, and by the way...Mumbai is a city constantly on the move and since it continues to be the city that never sleeps, don't you think it has stayed the same as ever?

5:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bird: you always thrash me... *sob sob*... not with gaalis n all but with your witty "black" humour... and i like it...

but best of all i just liked the gesture you made by handing me that book... even though you were in a tullee state... i guess the book is gonna change a lot of things around my life... and that includes commenting on women's blogs :)

*stands up and salutes the great bird*

12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bird: let me add, i am going to treat the book in the same fashion that you treated my copy of "the alchemist"... i am going to keep it for one full year with me and then return it to you :)

1:01 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

Smithy, dont know about you, but i have seen a difference with the way people would react before & the way they react now. Everyone seems to be on the edge nowadays.

And btw you can use the title bird. But you can never be "The Bird" ;)

Garfy hope this suffices:

Corrigendum:

In my earlier posts i had inadvertently mentioned garfys exposure to Mumbai as "(around a 1.5 km radius of the juice stall)" but in the light of new information received, i wish to correct it to "around 2 Km radius of the juice stall". I also beg for garfys forgiveness for any embarassment caused due to my half knowledge.

Also garfy thanks for taking care of my health.

Iyer, the fact that I was drunk was what caused me to give you the book. Will keep the books at home when i meet you next.

Also i appreciate your "salute" but honestly the statement sounded obscene. Glad if it changes your life for the good, even i will stop drinking & start reading books ;)

4:58 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

eavesdropping?
Yes got books to share but i do not entertain outside city limits requests. Sorry. Safety of my books makes it imperative that i do not send them anywhere outside the city limits.

5:51 PM  
Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Did I hear someone say BOOKS??? I solemnly swear I'll never lay claim to any title of yours, if you'll share those books!

10:03 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

Bird, dont stop drinking Bird! Dont stop drinking! Read books... but drink on!

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bird, you are a perv... you term my due respect to you as 'obscene'... i hate you... sob sob

9:55 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

*banging head on the glass top table*

garfy, even sending the books by courier to you constitutes the books going out of the city limits. If iyer wont return them even though he meets me every 2nd day there is no hopes of getting the books back from you ever.

*...breaks the glass top*
(I hate writing in between asterisks)

Smithy, no problems to share the books if you read sci-fi, paranormal & self help books (which iyer thinks i require to read.) But unfortunately most books of mine are borrowed on short term basis

Appoo, i am giving serious thought to quit drinking. I have found that booze corrupts my thought process.

3:25 PM  
Blogger APOO said...

No no no... If I come to India, its just to sit with ya and Abbs for drinks at CT (with Chicken69... err... 65). Your thoughts are crystal clear when u drink! Booze on!

7:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

update: i have returned the book to "the bird"... and this is written proof towards that...

apoo: chicken 65 was a fad that passed away... rite now it is chicken cripsy... er... chicken crispy

11:33 AM  
Blogger APOO said...

Iyer: The proof will be acknowledged only when Bird confirms in writing that he has got the books.

Bird: People type Apoo or Appu. Why do you go Appoo? Not that I mind it... but just wondering...

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

apoo: i wonder if bird is into anything such as "cosmic numerology"... if anything like that ever exists...

9:47 AM  

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