Remembird

Alcohol & its Sidey Effects

2010-02-21T20:27:00.004+05:30

Many things happen to you after you quit drinking (social drinking...before someone labels me as an ex-alcoholic), although almost being involved in a car crash was not supposed to be one of them, however refusing to take chances I started drinking (socially)immediately. Then, even worse things happened & before i thought i would be the last man standing God stopped & after having grieved enough i realised that there was still a crowd around me & the buses were still full & whatever would happen to me i was sure i would not be the last man standing, far from it, i wouldn't have a place to stand. And the life as of now goes on.

Work meanwhile is great, again alcohol helps in making sense...a senior of mine, whom i haven't spoken to since the great flood, decides to thank me, besides a few other people, for the promotion he received & forces me into remembering if i had lent him money on any occasion & ways to recover it now. People have also been approaching me & insisting me to reduce their taxes & almost accuse me of firstly paying them salaries & then making laws to snatch their hard earned money by way of taxes to finance the field trials of "Arjun Tanks" for the past 50 odd years. Which makes me wonder if they have replaced the old steam engine with a internal combustion engine during the last 50 years. We have tlevision sets installed in the office but no one is supposed to watch them, why instal them in the first place if i cant watch the cricket match? Me & some guys from work, have also found a new watering hole aptly named "sagar" across another actual watering hole named Powai Lake get drunk & try to sort out the work issues. The bar that we would visit, located opposite IIT was also good, however the total iq level of the people inside bar was around 10% of the country's & after being stone drunk we would end up looking absolutely stupid, sometimes we would just act drunk to have an excuse for our stupidity. I am sure by now the waiters of that bar have already finished their work on the Unified Theory. Our this new watering hole is an open air joint & few of the places where smoking is allowed or is legal (as almost all the bars 'allow' smoking) & for us non-smokers the traffic down on the road is a good option to breathe in carcinogens while drinking, so that we dont miss out on the effects of cigarettes. The other drunkards (used due to the lack of a better word)are also generally social here, they will generally join you on the table, screw your brains with any topic that catches their fancy. I had one uncle teach me electrical wiring & ways to get electrical plans approved in the BMC for new constructions(wtf?? i couldnt get my duplicate birth certificate from the BMC, i dont exist as far as BMC is concerned...& also for my friends who keep ignoring me). The uncle has left me his visiting card if anyone wants the wiring of their houses, buildings, mohallas done. Another reason to drop out of school, get alcoholic & learn new vocations...you'd still earn more than me. On other normal days ask for the old monk & see the twilight sky being reflected in the Powai Lake...if the waiter does'nt screw up the chicken tikka then you have a job to do in saving the waiter from the clutches of Ashwin Bhai...total fun.

On the home front...the traffic on the main road has got worse, the cops thought that they would actually discipline us by putting traffic signals. They have instead made more people break law by speeding. The small gap in the road divider right opposite our main gate made to enable pedestrians to cross road has become a new sport for me. You actually need to race with old people to reach that gap first, not get tripped on the walking stick of the grandpop behind you & maintain your balance till the cars come to a stop coz of the signal, after which you can cross to the other side. I can visualize an accident happening there caused by some old dude trying to beat me to the place, lose his balance, & get hit by a speeding car which wants to make the turn before the signal turns red. If the cops can only do something so that psychos don't touch 80 on the stretch to make the light & i promise not to have a road crossing race with old folks (loss of a good sport for them though).

I don't know what made me write so it is only deserving that i end abruptly. I will however warn you that i am in between a story on gilbert hill, its history & the effects that it had on the young kids growing up in its vicinity, i don't know how much more time it will take to finish or if it will ever finish, but try we must. I am also sorry to see how builders have destroyed the hill in order to earn a few crores...they could've done that arranging field trials of the Arjun Tank, they didn't have to destroy an amazing rock.

Numbed Thoughts

2006-11-01T15:03:00.000+05:30

When was the last time that I’d blogged? March, was it? & today it’s almost November, 8 months have passed & look what I’ve achieved in these 8 months. I discovered only a couple of days back that I “may” have 2 wisdom teeth & both of them made their presence felt by giving me sleepless, pain filled nights. Diagnosis of my friendly neighborhood dentist, both of the wise teeth (?) have turned out to be like me, twisted. So now I am going to have a surgery, (yeasss, finally, & I’d thought I’d never get to use my mediclaim) & remove these 2 teeth from my body, I’ve had enough of wisdom & it’s begun biting. Has anyone wondered what dentists do with the extracted teeth? I know for sure that barbers sell the hair that they’ve cut for making wigs, do dentists do something similar? (If every month, 2 of my teeth are going to be extracted, I may need a good set of reused, recycled, basically cheap (am going to be nangaa after this surgery), dentures by this time next year).

The other day, deeply engrossed in my work, I got a link to my schools alumni association webpage, from our very own (of Nanguys fame) Sid a.k.a. Anna. (How pathetic can I get? I blogged in March about my office party held in December, & all I could come up with was, that I was drunk. Surprisingly, no one cared to ask me if I am ever sober?) sorry, no connection here, I don’t know why I had to write that, only a symptom of my compulsive disorder, on medication for this & its on the wane so no worries there, but I ask you, are all the thoughts in your head always linear? They’re bound to be some randoms creeping in, esp if you are human (apparently my shrink disagrees, no, not to me being human, to my thought process being normal). In this given link of alumni association, that Sid (a.k.a Anna) had sent me had a class photo, black & white might I add, of this one Kindergarten class & wonder of wonders; yours truly (before education corrupted me version) was staring back out of the screen at yours truly (education even corrupted my wisdom teeth version). The joy was unspeakable, the immediate reaction were of a few tears, mistaking the feeling to be my toothache, rolled down. The fact was I’d forgotten I was kid ever, that I’d a beginning; ergo I’d have an end, like all you mortals. Before all the shrinks reading this start jumping to conclusions, let me be clear, my childhood was normal, both my parents (biological, rare in this day & age) took care of me, as should be of a child, its just that I was too reckless with my childhood than I should’ve been & too observant of my post teens. I should have been more observant & accepted my childhood than my adulthood, like taking childhood seriously & spend adulthood as a child, the other part I am trying to achieve. Back to the photo, no need to tell you that I am so ancient that we dint have colour photos back then. I’d even started suspecting that maybe only Sid, Iyer (maybe Iyer is the reason I blocked out my childhood from my memories, bloody Iyer) & I were the only people left of our batch, the rest had just died of old age. But there was the photo in front of me, of me, of years gone, probably sometime like 1983-85, in the middle of the most hectic week of the month & of the worst day possible, but it brought cheer to my soul, body has been crumbling since birth. This brought to my mind something I’d read from Osho's (I think)works, only the soul remains constant, otherwise even our appearances from our child hood to old age change; change so much, that all the stages of your youth to your old age could pass off as different people. Think of it, wouldn’t it be possible that the 5 year old you, was someone else & the 60 year old you, would be another person, maybe all are indeed different people, different entities. Also that, nothing that is visible is constant all that is invisible is never changing. Thanks Sid for the link. And I promise I’ll encourage my kids to take part in their schools alumni association once they pass out. I’ll always remain a rascal, blame my soul for it.

Bus#422, I am in love with this bus. The few buses in the BEST fleet (for all curious researchers & to the helpless people who will be diverted through all the search engines, my lil bit of guidance) that I am in love with is, 422 & 84 Ltd., since 422 is not a limited bus I have an even more special place in my heart for 422, its in a league of its own & probably one of the longest routes to cover. Both these buses are exceptionally quick, be it traffic or rains, these buses will always be comparatively quicker than other buses, and BEST being the best transport system in India, these 2 buses are amongst the best buses in India. How cool is that? It does not matter how old or new the bus model is, the driver will make it run like wind, and I could go on praising like this, suffice to say I am in love with this bus. I like to believe that there must be a special training school for their drivers, that they pass out through the BEST equivalent of the “Top Gun” School, that the “best of the BEST” are only ever allowed to go near a 422 or a 84 Ltd, that you have to prove yourself till you are handed over the keys to these 2 buses. And there are other people who have come to accept that these 2 buses are special, they tell me how they’d begun changing their schedules to catch the 422, just to make it to the office faster, or how they’d give other buses the pass just to board the 422, I feel happy, these buses are gems in the BEST Fleet, just like Happy is a gem in all the restaurants on this planet. If anyone plans on coming to Powai or to Mulund & back to Bandra, take the 422 (not the A.C 422, it’s a shame for the 422 fleet, they should call it AC 425 or AC 424).

Also, if anyone says that I like this bus just coz it takes me to work everyday, I could take the 424 or 425 too, but I hate them as much as I love the 422. Both, 424 & 425, are slow, have exceptionally weird routes, probably plotted out by some poor traffic controller sitting in the weirdly named Dindoshi Depot (someone pls tell me what Dindoshi is supposed to mean), who was just curious regarding the small lines on the Mumbai map & decided whether the small by lanes go anywhere & voila, we have the routes for 424 & 425. The 425 has one more thing going against it, its rich ladies from the far suburbs of Seven Bungalows, who think they own the Bus, the City & my bag, some lady asked me to put my shoulder bag on the floor, coz it was messing up her view in the front through the windshield (I think). WTF!!! Mera baap ka bag hai, can’t put it down without his permission, can i? How hard is it to understand, it took me 15 mins of argument with the lady, for her to understand. Anyways “my” 422 has the most understanding crowd, no one speaks with you, they’ll just burn you with their hot tiffins, step on your trousers (just some dude passing through the aisle as you stand, I have yet to understand the whole process of human locomotion, how high does one need to bring his leg in order for some forward locomotion, I have instances where people’s shoes have scraped the back of my knees, why? Why does anyone need to bring his leg so high up? Is the person moving ahead or doing a ballet?) & puke, yeah, some kid decided that he’d give me some memory for me to remember him with, cute kid, if not for his 7 ft dad, I’d have thrown him off through the window.

Ever wondered why bus conductors have such wicked sense of humour:
Incident 1:
Conductor: Tapping me on my back, “Eh boss aage bado, khaali jagah hai na”
Me: “Jo Hukum” (do the Michael Jackson moonwalk, so that it just appears that I’ve moved forward)
Conductor: “itne padhe likhe log hoke bhi, peeche khade rehte hain”
Me: (Confused, what’s my educational qualification got to do with where I stand in the aisle of the bus? With the stated logic, the person right up ahead must be a Ph.D & I need to get off this bus, fast)

Incident 2:
Conductor: Kidhar jaayega? (Pls. note this is a first, conductor never asks, if he does address you, you must’ve broken one of the laws of traveling in a BEST bus, as are nailed to the ceiling. Plus you better repent for making the conductor speak, I’d commit suicide if I ever made one speak, rather than living with the shame for the rest of my life)
Some Bhaiyya: Powai Do.
Conductor: Rs.20
Bhaiyya: (mild angina stroke later) ek ticket ka Rs.20??!!! Kal tak Rs.10 tha na.
Conductor: Arre “Do” Bola na
Bhaiyya: Do matlab Do
Conductor: Ha wohi, Do ka Rs.20
Bhaiyya: Nahi, Do, Dijiye
Conductor: De raha hoon na, pehle paisa nikaal.
Bhaiyya: Lekin Mujhe ek hi chahiye….
Conductor: Arre, abhi to do bola…

(My attention was diverted by the view of Powai lake after this. Plus I am used to such conversation on a regular basis in the office, my boss being a Chinese has helped me immensely in overlooking such exchanges.)

That’s it for my bus memories. I’ll write more as & when I remember or Powai Lake stops being such a distraction.

Update on the Wisdom teeth surgery:

Pleased to announce that both (wisdom teeth) have been extracted successfully, with terrible inflammation to my lower jaw & continuous bleeding thereafter from the left behind, stitched cavities. I hate it when 2 dentists discuss their Dentistry Associations politics while extracting a tooth from a seriously scared, on the verge of a heart stroke patient. The politics discussed & played in the Scouts troupe in my school, was better & much more interesting than this & then we left all that because we’d thought we had grown up for such petty things to matter us anymore, some, it seems, just dint grow up or are still in the scouts. I wonder when the dentists worldwide will learn, remove the paining teeth dammit, stop scaring me:

(Both the Chief Dentist & his assistant, the hot chick, are peering into my mouth, going about their work when the following conversation occurs)

Chief Dentist : Its bad. I never expected things to come to this.
Me: (!!!, WTF is bad? What’s come to what? am I going to die(with my wisdom teeth)?)
Dentist Asst: And to top it all, we can’t do a thing about it. I feel so helpless.
Me: (What? What? Lady, you don’t know what helplessness is. BTW can I have my last cigarette?)
Chief Dentist: Yes, exactly.
Me: (For all the times I have disowned you, God, I believe in you, You exist, You rule, You rock!!!)
Dentist Asst: Yeah, they shouldn’t (some ch***** in the dentist’s assoc) stoop to such a level. These are only elections to the regional Assoc.
Me: (You blood b******, wait till this is over.) (P.S. God I don’t believe in you anymore)

Have you ever wondered why all dentists’ assistants are beautiful chicks? You can’t even cry openly in front of them, another case for investigation.

Beatiful Dentist trainee: This might pain a bit?
Me: *Thumbs up sign & wink of the left eye, for showing her how cool I am with this pain thing* (Inside my head: Mom? where are you mom? let me see you for the last time)

Anyways, after such beautiful events, it’s not over as yet, more visits to the dentists yet, it was time to nurse my swollen face & bleeding gums. The childhood photo still brings back peace in the middle of pain, & hopelessness, that like everything that has begun & going on smoothly, so will it end, and yet it will not be over. Whoever preserved that photo, Thanks man, from the bottom of my still functioning heart (I can give you two teeth for this).

I have done this for the past 2 posts & I am in no mood to change it this time. So before signing off, something I like: (something I was trying to tell Mannu in CT the other day)
WHEN RABBI BIRNHAM LAY DYING, HIS WIFE BURST INTO TEARS. HE SAID, 'WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR? MY WHOLE LIFE WAS ONLY THAT I MIGHT LEARN HOW TO DIE.'
LIFE is in living. It is not a thing, it is a process. There is no way to attain to life except by living it, except by being alive, by flowing, streaming with it. If you are seeking the meaning of life in some dogma, in some philosophy, in some theology, that Is the sure way to miss life and meaning both.Life is not somewhere waiting for you, it is happening in you. It is not in the future as a goal to be arrived at, it is here now, this very moment -- in your breathing, circulating in your blood, beating in your heart. Whatsoever you are is your life, and if you start seeking meaning somewhere else, you will miss it...
OshO The Art of Dying Chapter #1 Chapter title: The Art of Dying
For all that it is, life, for me, is all about observation, internal & external. Internal is scarier than external.
-Bird

(DISCLAIMER: The above contents & all the ideas are written under effects of various painkillers & sedatives, anyone who may have felt offended by anything written above, I am sorry for that, but it’s still the truth)

Bits & Pieces

2006-03-31T20:57:00.000+05:30

Long days have I spent in trying to forget the fact that my post is unfinished for the past 2 months, okay 4 months but I’d actually forgotten in the first 2 months & then accidentally tripped on the unfinished post & have been since trying to forget it without any success for the past 2 months. And since Appoo refuses to stop writing & still has dedicated readers proves that there are always readers for the nonsensical.

Lot of things have passed in between these many months, for one I attended my office party, my first office party where they served alcoholic beverages. Not the one to lose on any opportunity of getting drunk, after which people excuse whatever I say on my drunkenness (my main reason to get drunk is for people to assume that I “may be” talking sense whenever I get sober & to my credit, I don’t usually hang around to let them realize that how irrational it is to believe that people are any different than when they are drunk.) I reached the party venue before everyone else, since I don’t bother with changing attire for parties or work, the clothes I wear for work are good enough for the party & vice versa. Reaching the venue I greeted the big boss & proceeded to the table which was the only reason I was there in the first place & the same was the case with the official party photographer who, like all party photographers throughout history, was there to have free booze. The moment he noticed that he had subjects for practicing his non-existent photography skills took a snap of me as I ogled at various shaped bottles of booze. Turning away from the topic of party, I have always failed to understand what skills are required in taking a photograph from an auto-focus & auto everything digital camera , I’d say give the camera a li’l bit of AI & a pair of legs, it’ll replace free loader photographers anytime. Anyways my ex- co-drinker made an instant celebrity of me when the same picture was developed & posted onto the company website, since the inquisitive creature that a human being is, it takes minimum 28.5 snaps for him to be bored of viewing photo albums & when any pictures is the first in the album the same is viewed with a lot of expectation. I have yet to find out whether the people who viewed the photograph got what they expected when they saw me in the midst of many bottles of booze, although it has helped me in identifying with a lot of my colleagues world over. “ya, the same person….yes the one standing & ogling at the booze…good morning btw... What did you want to speak to me about?…” has become one of the regular sentences to start my day.

Valentine’s Day passed too, uneventfully, as it always does, without me bothering any of the florists or for that matter any supermarket salesman/woman. I have a colleague who introduced me to his valentine, took me (I am clueless about the reason yet) & his valentine to the super market & bought 2 packets of instant “2 minute noodles” & presented one to his lady love. No, I have still not got the joke if there was any in the incident. I presumed that there was a subtle message in the presenting of the “2 minutes & ready to eat” catch phrase of the noodle brand, but I don’t think she understood it & returned the packet of noodle to my buddy. I totally understood as to why he was so happy while walking to office the next day, 2 packs of noodles can get your mind off anything. I am so inspired with this new idea for a gift that I plan to give instant noodle packets to everyone, my wife, my kids, grandchildren, great-grandchildren & once they are disgusted with the gifts I have given them they’d return them back to me. Assuming that they are so disgusted as to leave me to die alone in my old age, then I’d sit alone in the nights, cook a packet of instant noodles & eat them while watching “night safari” on national geographic, assuming that no one decides to take off the air the only program which does not hurt your eyes when watching in darkness. And that’s just a part of planning for my life, anyone interested in still allowing me to live are part of a vanishing breed of people.

Lot of legal cases are over & done with too. And with each passing case I am forced to believe that truth never has any witnesses or any defense, it is alone & can’t be proven. If you can prove something in a court of law with proper documentation & proofs, it is all fabricated just for the reason that it will have to be produced in a court of law, at least where I am involved. So if a judge is shown all evidences & documentation for or against as the case may be, he should rule against the obvious choice. My bit of advice for improving the rate of conviction here in India

Many bosses have come & gone since I joined here, now as I sit typing this post I feel as if I’ve been here all my life. I have yet to know what keeps me stable here when my bosses feel something’s wrong with this world, maybe it’s just me. I have had different priorities for different bosses & now there’s a new boss & a new priority & I ignore it as I have done with all the previous bosses. One thing I don’t like is when I am told how I am supposed to a particular job. Maybe I’ll gift this one a packet of instant noodles for never telling me how to do my job & staying that long enough.

New buses have been introduced as part of the World Bank funded Mumbai Urban Transportation Project & the same have been introduced on the route I travel as well, these are the buses which have the route number of the bus displayed on the rear too. Earlier as I ran towards my bus stop I’d always console myself that the bus that I just missed was not mine, now I know for sure that the bus was mine, although I have yet to understand how this bit of info is supposed to help me.

Maybe I’ll sign out with this thought for the people who thought I was dead:
"This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But, it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
- Winston Churchill

New Job

2005-10-03T10:58:00.000+05:30

Been a long time till I realized that I had a blog & it needed my attention, of course the same goes for my toenails & my fingernails, thankfully the hair fall off & take care of themselves. In the very near future I will not have to worry about the hair part at all. But I have decided to make amends to the situation & here is my first attempt at creatively using my office time in this new job, by clipping my toe nails that is.

Anyways I have quit my earlier job, left my Reay Road station behind, left my beloved Harbour Local even farther behind, my salary, my traveling allowance, my half yearly bonus & leave salary the farthest of them all. Now I am dependant on the BEST buses for my commute (bloody expensive as compared to the trains). So, nowadays instead of having full body massages I have to content with exercising my biceps & occasionally hurting the ligaments in my shoulder, which also means that my bowling career may come to an end in the near future (the hurting happens only on the stretches where the roads are bad or the driver decides to do a surprise braking test for evaluating the conditions of his brakes or alternately the alertness of the commuters). Also, I learnt that traveling on the bus’ footboard is worse than traveling on the footboard in trains especially on the bad road…almost got thrown off the bus as a result, whereas sitting in the middle of the last bench is as bad, only difference being you’ll be thrown off the seat & on the aisle floor, what is worse is I lost my seat till I got back up. Since then I have started giving the conductor loose money from my ticket to tell me which passenger is likely to get off on the next stop or the nearest stop, so that I can go & stand near that particular seat (bad habit I inculcated in the train). I hope Abs buys a car when he returns to India & giving me a lift from office to CT. Asked the same to one of my friends here, he even agreed to buying a car on the condition that I’d pay the fuel bills, but if I don’t agree to the condition I’ll save on the fuel bills cost & I might be able to buy a flat opposite my office in about three months (at the projected average fuel price over the next three months), this may also be the case if I stop smoking & start saving that money, but then cutting down on one necessity to invest in another is an illogical step (plus if I quit smoking I’ll live till the loan term is complete & I’ll have to repay the full amount to the bank instead of Appoo and/or Iyer repaying my housing loan as my guarantors-designate).

The commute time which earlier was 30 mins. in my beloved harbour local has now increased to 2 hours give or take a few seconds. Even 2 hours are on the lesser side…sometimes the traffic cops decide to take the matters in their own hands & switch off the traffic lights & direct the traffic themselves which increases the commute time by another ½ hour (so the habit I had learnt in trains of going off to sleep while standing is of a lot of help to me). I wish the traffic cops would stop doing their work sit on their bikes behind trees, poles (How can the pot bellied pandus hide behind light poles is one of the paranormal things I am currently investigating) etc. to trap unsuspecting traffic offenders & help the traffic move more smoothly (yea, pandus & me have something in common, people feel that we’d be of help if we stopped helping).

In the morning there’s a stop where this group of daily wage labourers get onto the bus, everyday, like myself (whenever I look at them I feel I am worse off than them coz I don’t get paid till the month end, if ever, & if I quit in between…no pay, no leave salary, no bonus. Plus they are even covered by the minimum wages act, which, I assume; my previous & the current boss have never bothered to read). I did not mind standing next to them earlier but after I realized that they carry hot tiffin in their innocent looking half molten plastic bags, I have become more careful of not standing next to them. The first time such dude came up & stood next to me I had a very hard time trying to figure out why there was this burning sensation next to my thigh. I thought of everything from the lighter in my pocket mysteriously catching fire to the paranormal event of auto self-combustion only localized in nature near my thigh. Then looking at my worried face the worker began to explain to me…realized he was chewing something…bent to spit out of the window …in the process scaring the guy sitting in the window who misunderstood that the worker had bent over to kiss him…happy that the dude just spoilt his shirt cuffs & not his day & explained to me in some strange language of which I understood only the word “tiffin”. Anyways I have understood enough to keep away from this people lest they burn some other “sensitive” body parts. No wonder they get space to move around the bus.

Cannot believe its been three weeks of no dusty by lanes of Reay Road, no more of the magic potion which tasted like kerosene mixed with milk & burnt tea leaves which I suspect is an indigenous & patented product of Reay Road. No more jokes on nepalis, in fact no nepalis. Only good thing to happen was the seat given to me faces the window, which overlooks the Powai Lake, damn cool view (unfortunately not good enough to replace the nepali jokes)

During the past 3 weeks, fortunately, I missed reading all the crap that was written on the blogs to defame me. Firstly Appoo comes up with my imaginary girlfriend, Vijaylakshmi. Which got me thinking for the next several days & later I heard from Iyer his explanation for the same & still the name doesn’t make sense. Why Vijayalakshmi? Why me with Vijayalakshmi? Why not Iyer with Vijayalakshmi? Mrs.Vijayalakshmi Iyer sounds good. Speaking of Iyer, he in some post becomes my angel. This post has given me lots of nightmares, Iyer in his banian & “phantom chaddis”, cigarette in one hand with little wings that angels have been shown to have in movies, only that Iyers’ are bat like & this angel speaks with Sanjiv Kumar accent. Those who know me will tell you that I wouldn’t lift my finger to save myself let alone a chick named Vijayalakshmi, who is angry at the proudest moment of my life, my only act of vandalism, my only felony (till today).

Accidental Memories

2005-08-24T11:28:00.000+05:30

I knew rains, holidays etc. are bad news anytime. All my work had piled up to the ceiling and there was no movement towards reaching my targets. I knew this fortnight I would end up with a 100% deficit. I also knew that Madnesh would be stressed out enough come up with something, as always.

I was attending a meeting when this happened. As I was talking through my presentation I heard a loud crash, which is not abnormal where I work, since we are very close to a ship-breaking yard. Any day that you do not hear a fire engine siren means that the workers at the ship-breaking yard are on a strike. So we have various noises of huge steel pieces falling, being cut by blowtorches, hammered into various shapes, the occasional screams of men as they fall to their deaths & my boss singing (which, to the ears, is worse than to hear people screaming). What got my attention this time was I heard Madnesh screaming. I could plainly hear him yell “Oh F****!!” around 20 times till I got out of my office. As I ran out to see the damage a falling Madnesh might have caused to our office, I, instead saw Madnesh along with another engineer running around our premises.

We have in our office premises various antennas, some for radio comm., some for navigational radars etc. Madnesh & his team of engineers found some such antenna or radar defective & like I hunt for scraps of paper to act as if I am working, Madnesh finds faulty nuts & bolts to tighten (I call my this job, analysis & he calls his maintenance) Anyways, the 2 engineers decided to do some “maintenance work” on one of the antennas fixed on the roof. Unfortunately for all the people concerned (even the ones sitting under that roof) the roofing was of steel sheets & not of concrete. So with Madnesh standing on the roof was pushing the luck (of everyone around a 200 mtrs. radius) a bit too much. But fortunately for everyone concerned (inside & outside) he realized what he was doing soon enough & went back to stand on the ladder & guide another person from the ladder itself.

Contrary to Madnesh, with all the wisdom bestowed on him by the almighty for the protection of innocent lives (on the assumptions that he & I are not innocent & the wisdom, if any (which has escaped our attention so far), that Madnesh possesses, protects only the innocents) his boss is a jackass. When he saw what was happening, i.e.Madnesh on a ladder instructing someone else with the work, he lost his remaining linear thought process, unnecessarily termed as “emotion” by psychiatrists. He ran up the adjoining building & jumped through the small staircase window & onto the roof (I knew Mithun films could inspire people into action like in this instance, but I do not want to take anything away from his boss being a thoroughbred jackass). He triumphantly walked over to the person doing the “maintenance work” on the antenna & took over the job, reassigning Madnesh someplace else. As Madnesh finished talking to his boss & went one step down on his ladder, he saw both his boss & his assistant disappear through the roof along with the antenna accompanied by a loud noise as the whole antenna setup got dismantled. Sure that his boss had untimely passed over to the devil before either of us could go first & have a good time minus our bosses, Madnesh started screaming hysterically (although I’d think he was distressed by the fact that the antenna whose only 2 bolts required tightening would require complete installation now). If I ever see something similar happening to my boss even I would start screaming. Pure joy, with experience I realize, cannot be contained.

And that is how I met Madnesh as he was running around inside the premises trying to see where his boss had touched down. He barged first into our logistics dept. As our logistics officer got scared seeing Madnesh rush into his dept. he gave out a loud shriek (he has been swearing since that the water jug kept on his table overturned when he panicked, but I wouldn’t blame him for the real reason. Seeing Madnesh charging at you is a scary sight, even the motorman slows down the train as Madnesh comes running down the Reay Rd. bridge.), hearing the logistics guy scream even Madnesh started to yell. Logistics is where I joined in the rescue operations where the Logistics officer, Madnesh, his department colleague & other people who thought this was some way of bonding were screaming their lungs out, after which to cover the embarrassment they started shouting our Electronics chief’s name, acting as if they were searching for him. I’d guess Madnesh was in a shock as he had seen his boss fall down & was probably scared that he’d have to pick up his boss’ body parts, piece by piece. I, as always, was the good for nothing pest who was trying to scare him some more. Just then I heard his friend say “Maybe both of them are stuck inside the false ceiling & got tangled in the insulations” I knew fear numbed the thought processes but to expect a 6’ 5”, 130 Kgs. person getting stuck in the insulation was bit in the extremely deranged mind category & as I always do when I find myself of no use or out of place or want to run away from my life & their problems (the last piece of conclusion is courtesy of my personal shrink, Abs), started laughing out loud without noticing that our Managing Director was standing behind me. I still haven’t understood what was it exactly that made my MD want to throw me out, coz whatever she muttered under her breath sounded exactly as she does every time she sees me.

It was quite a shock then to see the 2 disappeared entities entering through our security post. It appears that the 2 of them were standing on the edge of the roof, which sloped out onto the street & had fallen through the roof out on the main street. The news that I received later (after I was unfairly thrown out of the “search, rescue & ridicule operations”) was that Madnesh’s Boss had a hairline fracture to his vertebrae & was rushed to the hospital by Madnesh that evening (at least the hell remains safe till I get in) & the other dude got out with minor cuts, although a fracture to his collarbone is not ruled out, he refuses any doctors coming near him.

This incident brought me back the memories of my own accidents. None of them were ever serious, but on each occasion I had to go under a surgeon’s knife. I don’t think anyone could call stepping on an odd nail lying on the ground an accident but I do, coz I had to visit a surgeon to get a piece of my shoe sole which I was wearing when I stepped on the nail & which had pierced through the sole of my foot along with the nail, had stayed there for 3 years, faithfully, might I add i.e. without giving any pain etc, only the swelling once in a while gave its hiding place away. I fail to remember who was more surprised the surgeons or my parents. I have since learnt a valuable lesson, act surprised when people around you seem surprised. I had a hell of a time explaining both my parents & the inquisitive doctor how the piece of shoe sole came to be in the ankle. Anyone who sees this story on Ripleys kindly inform me, I’ll try to collect the fees that I have paid the surgeon from the royalty that he might be earning.

Second incident was when I broke my elbow when I fell down from a 3ft. high wall. The best part was, as a kid, I remember jumping from 10ft.high walls without spraining an ankle (abs, appoo you guys remember?). Went to some hospital close by where the doctor was whispering something to my dad so he was quite shocked when I asked him straight up when the operation would be? The angle in which my hand was lying limp below the elbow did not require the surgeon to tell me that I’d require an operation, but somehow it seemed to me that the doctor was hell-bent on insulting my IQ. I’d be scared if he’d have told me that he’d set the bone right without any surgical procedure just by pulling at the hand. Then there was the nerve, which was unfortunate to have come in the way of my splintering bones & had paralyzed my 2 fingers for a couple of months. Of course I learnt then that the doctors are happier if you act scared. I earned a full-blown 1992 (I think) FIFA World Cup Schedule with players’ posters when I showed the doc that I was scared of him cutting open my plaster. I knew I should’ve taken up acting. The best part was after the plaster came off my hand looked like the pincers of the praying mantis & it was that thin. I know for sure that I’ll break my bones or die only if I fall from a height of less than 3 ft.

The next time it was again to do with my legs, my knees to be precise. They’d just buckle when I bent down in certain fashion. Went to a doc who advised me that he’d perform small surgical procedure to find out what the problem was & then if need be perform another procedure to correct it. T’Was hard on my mind but had to refuse him then, two scars at the same time was too good to believe. I am happy with the scars I have till date & luckily my knees hold me steady till today. Of course the doc tried to scare my parents to ask me to go under the knife saying that my knee might buckle while crossing roads or traveling in a train (while Abs was trying to scare me). Little does the doc know that my heart is too weak either to go walking for distances more than 500 mtrs. Or to stand in the train. I knew laziness would pay off sometime.

I don’t know how time flew in between the accidents but I was left with a lot of scars to make sure I’d never have to think while filling any forms when the question read “Any Identification marks?” I have the luxury of giving addresses of different scars for all my ID papers. And I do not have to strip to show any moles placed strategically at birth, in other peoples cases, at the airport security check…I just raise my hand & walk off. What’s next I don’t know but the way things are going I guess it’d have to be a heart attack.

I can’t help but laugh as I look back, life was weird then than it is now. I think I am getting old or lazy or both to be doing stupid things. Wisdom sucks the joy out of living.

Rains, Old Monk & Tandoori Tuesday

2005-08-03T13:10:00.000+05:30

Two super days of absolute adventure over, I am back at my desk trying to trace where most of my colleagues are & to find whichever scraps of paper I can to show people that I am working, while I write this post.

Started Tuesday with a mild flu like symptoms, didn’t want to leave home but for the last day of my super-accountant from Kolkata. Decided I’d just go visit him in the office, kiss his feet so that he would be ready to part with branch information more easily & not shout over the phone as to how the branch functions more efficiently than the HO & then describe the ways in which the unions in Kolkata deal with demanding bosses. After kissing the brand new “Hush Puppies” (someone in Bata should be decorated for coming out with such a name for men’s footwear) took my boss’ sign on my half-day leave application which I had made complex enough with various medical terms & settled down to waste 4 hours grumbling about body ache. At around lunchtime (we have taken it upon ourselves to have flexible lunch hours, which gives us an opportunity to snack every 2 hours or so) the drizzle started & I decided to postpone leaving a bit. Also I should mention that I am not a fan of the rains, neither do I like water as such (unless it is mixed with cola syrup & sugar). Within no time the rains had increased & the compound in front of our office was submerged (1 hour is all it took). As the time progressed to 4 PM, the ladies were asked to leave (I was stopped even though I was ready to sign a declaration stating that I was a lady) in an office car. I was left at the office with my team, when my boss called me to pack up & offered me a lift to Bandra. Since Bandra has been lucky for only 2 people, myself & “the madnesh”, I invited him along too (here I must mention, to his credit, madnesh was the only person with rainwear, he had taken with him the micro mini umbrellas that you can fold 5 times & store it in your breast pocket. So he had protection for his right or left arm, depending on the hand he would hold the umbrella in). Madnesh & myself began the long walk.

4.30 PM, 26^th July, 2005 – Follow the Leader.

In the course of which, at the first turn we took we encountered waist deep water. As the silent walk went on, we noticed that the water level had increased till our chest & my boss had disappeared (not drowned though, unfortunately). The 2 of us incredibles, madnesh & myself minus our bags but with a micro mini umbrella, were left to fend for ourselves in an unknown area (you would expect more determination from 2 grown ups, but we were lost & hungry, we were scared to be so far away from any office, restaurant, my mom & (in madnesh’s case) fiancé). After wading in the chest high waters for a couple of minutes (actually I was hoping I’d be able to find my boss while kicking around in the water & then ask madnesh to stamp on him to free the world of a marwari) we decided to head back to our base station & find some food first.

5.15 PM- Unanimously decided to head back to Reay Road Station to take stock of the situation & food supplies, if any, in Reay Road.

Reay Road station looked like a transit camp, with no standing room on the platforms, there were old people & ladies who must’ve been standing there for more than 2 hours min. At this time my boss called up & asked the both of us to come walking to Byculla Station (guess around 1.5 – 2 Km. farther) in rain, so that the 3 of us best friends could go home by cab. As we came out of the Reay Rd. Station we met the ladies contingent that had gone out before us in the comfortable office jeep, returning back to the office due to heavy traffic & flooding & despite their pitiful condition, I couldn’t help noticing 3 office guys with them (so the declaration would’ve worked if I’d have held out long enough). It was also obvious that after 2 – 2 ½ hrs. of rain the traffic situation was really bad & we could no longer by the road, only if the trains started or we walked the whole way would we be able to go home.

7.00 PM – Met the wise monk.

Since Madnesh & I were the only 2 fit or adventurous guys in the company we decided to continue going towards our homes even after the ladies contingent begged us to come back to the office (nah, they didn’t give a damn whether we lived or died). Initially in the “josh” of the moment we kept on walking through the debris strewn by lanes of central Mumbai & covered quite a lot of distance (or so we thought) but ended up walking till the next station. We again encountered chest high water & decided to head back to the office & stay there till everything settled down. While going back we smelled a divine smell. Smell so warm & refreshing that we had to enter the place. There we met our long lost friend or rather a friend we had chosen to ignore for so many years. That first sip of Old Monk XXX Rum left a sensation of sitting in front of a fireplace, the dual sensation of hot & cold, the cold outside & hot rum inside. We overdid the fireplace thing, when we got up to go (just because they were closing the bar at 1.30 AM) we had finished a full bottle of rum & yet the rains had not stopped & neither had our appetite for rum. The problem with rum is you need to eat a tandoori chicken with it, & when your boss calls you & asks you to save the food bill for reimbursement, you feel like having two. So while Mumbai stopped & people drowned & died, me & madnesh sat talking, with the help of the grand old monk & a tandoori chicken, about our past, our families, scary marriage scenarios (madnesh's).

10.30 – Find a dry banian!!!??

Before we had drunk too much we decided we’d go & crash at a hotel at dockyard road where the super accountant from kolkata was staying during his visit here. We informed him about our intentions & bribed him with his own qtr.bottle of “botka” (as he likes to call vodka).

As the memories & daaru flowed freely (it should be the other way round, I think) I received a call from my boss telling me he had crashed at the hotel before we did & now he wanted us to bring him some food & before he hung up, he told me “Bird, are there any stores open that side? I need you to buy me a banian.” The carefully built up tempo of our conversation, expensive & extensive counseling by the old monk to relive & forget the old & new fears, were shattered by a new challenge of buying a banian for my boss at 10.30 in the night in a city which was slowly drowning (actually bigger challenge was to hold my laughter till I finished talking with my boss). We felt it our duty to buy 2 more bottles for our mildly senile boss, obviously he was in a shock. There we were, on one side my boss, who, when people were dying, were spending a night in a train for the next 12 hrs. without food or water, when the houses that they lived in did not have a single thing that they could call dry, was expecting us to find him a brand new banian & on the other side the two of us, drinking, eating & making merry, were not even worried about our boss having to sleep minus the banian (I must mention here that the quest for new banian was completed by our ever-helpful nepali peons, who not only found my boss a banian but also managed to lay their hands on a lungi).

1.30 AM – Hotel.

I decided to call my boss before we squared off the bill at 1.30 AM, as the waiters threatened to throw us out otherwise. I wanted to know what he’d want to have for dinner at 1.30 AM ( I wanted him to eat as much as he could so that he’d forgive me for not buying him a clean banian). I was surprised to know that even in such trying times as that day, my boss had efficiently ordered from a nearby pizza outlet & had already slept. So the 2 of us walked back to our hotel in the rains, put up the clothes for drying, put on the towel, drank till 5 AM & then tried to sleep (the disturbance being Madnesh’s phone which kept ringing after every 15 mins. At first I thought it might be an alarm but found out later that many people were missing Madnesh.)

3.30 PM, 27^th July 2005 – Homeward Bound

As it neared lunchtime the next day, we decided to catch a cab & go to Delhi Durbaar near Bhendi Bazaar. Had our fill & decided to get back to Churchgate & catch an Andheri Local. This time too Madnesh argued with me to go by cab till Bandra & then at Bandra, decide the future course of action. For the first time (in my knowledge) Madnesh proved to be right, the trains were running only till Mahalaxmi & then from Bandra onwards, as a result of which the exit of Mahalaxmi station looked like a bomb shelter & there was no way we could get a cab there (I’ve always hated Mahalaxmi for the simple reason that Essar’s main office is situated there & I had my first failure working in my present company at Essar. Also the receptionists there gave me a smaller conference room than what I had expected & asked for.). We reached Mahim in ½ hr. flat & as we came out near Mahim Church there was a huge traffic jam. The cars were just standing still (for the first time in proper lanes), in some cases the drivers had just walked off leaving the cars in the middle of the road. There were Fire Engines & Ambulances trapped in between, it was all chaos & to add to it Madnesh was going to walk through it. In such a scenario we started a long walk back to our homes. Before going any further, I’d like to ask every person who travels towards Bandra to look into the Mahim creek. I always thought that the natural colour of the water was black, but due to the heavy rains & the great amounts of clean fresh water introduced into the creek, the water’s turned muddy brown. Couple more days of rains would’ve got the water’s colour to blue. I suggest everyone to go & see the miraculous change.

I do not remember much, but I could see a lot of people walking, felt like being in a protest march or something. With the lane of S V Road which goes north bombay, full of cars parked & the other lane full of people trying to reach home. Around Khar Jn. I heard singing, surprised I turned around to find Madnesh covered in sweat, stumbling along, totally exhausted, singing!!! Not humming or anything but loud singing. As I started to sing along with him I realized it got our minds off the details like which area we were in, or how much walking was still required or to ignore the dead man we saw on the footpath near khar station. We went on singing & marching (& drinking tea, eating biscuits, thanks to all those beautiful people who mistook our singing for crying).

I hate writing about the good times I had when so many people suffered but I guess I have written this post so that I could archive for the future that I had really walked so much, even tell my kids the day when I walked from Mahim to Andheri. Also if any people other than Iyer read this post, to publicly thank that old dude who had joined us at Mahim in our march. We got home because we did not want to look exhausted in front of the old dude & the old dude must’ve gone home happy that he was in a better shape than 2 young guys (Hope he reached home safely).

I'd like to finish this post off on what H G Wells had once written , “While there is a chance of the world getting through its troubles, I hold that a reasonable man has to behave as though he were sure of it. If at the end, your cheerfulness is not justified, at any rate you will have been cheerful.”

New Plumage!!

2005-07-19T19:17:00.000+05:30

After a very long interval I present a changed bird (in more ways than one). Long time have I given those 2 people who read my blogs religiously, to recover their sanity, but I was worried about Iyer, who had grown tired of re-reading my posts. What I did in the past months was to actually start working in the office, which left me very little creative time, plus somehow I started achieving targets twice over, which resulted in my targets being revised four times over. Now I am back to under achieving my given targets & the joker during our staff meets every week. So in every weekly review if someone gets flak for under achievement the common excuse is “but I did better than bird!”. and then people are again reminded of the person who has come to personify deficit. I am waiting for the day to arrive when people who do not achieve their targets, instead of the deficit percentage, start entering “Better than Bird” in the surplus/deficit column.

My topic was not about cribbing though, but a celebratory one. Bird’s New Plumage. It shouldn’t have happened, it did because I screwed up my earlier template & then I realized how ugly the whole thing was, with or without the screw up. This template is courtesy of some brave soul somewhere who has not realized that I will be amongst the people to use this, now you know why they ask you to make stuff “fool-proof”, cause I am generally around to fool with it if you don’t.

I also fail to understand why I chose this color (Which I prefer to call moss-green, ladies & other people with sharper colour-name associating knowledge please excuse me). But on studying a bit, this is what I came across, on some site,

“Green is a balancing colour, in the middle of the visible spectrum. The higher three colours are known as the "cool" colours and are calming in effect, the lower three are known as the "warm" colours and have a stimulating effect. Green is the balance between these two.

When a therapist comes to the end of a colour therapy treatment, he/she will use green as a balancing colour at the end of a treatment.

Green is the colour of balance and harmony and can, therefore, be helpful in times of stress. If one has experienced a trauma, a green silk wrapped around the shoulders can have a very therapeutic effect.”

I know for a fact that appoo will counter my claim that this blog can now be used to relieve all my readers’ stress, although the rest of the world may beg to differ (& that’s why appoo has all the needless arguments with every alternate person that he meets). I also wish to proclaim (its my blog & I can be assertive) that I am not a fan of this particular color but I still own 2 Shirts, 2 trousers & 2 pair of shoes which are round about moss green in color (which is my full wardrobe) & I also have these dreams in which my hair is moss-green, so I may have been sub-consciously influenced to prefer this color over others. On the other hand, it may also mean that I have all the above qualities as have been researched & stated by a person who had absolutely nothing better to do with his/her time (like myself). Of course it does not mean that people should share their problems or worries with me, I already have my hands full for coming up with novel excuses for target deficiency & additionally I have problems with people who think they have problems.

During the time that I was allowing people to recuperate, I found out, the hard way, Lesson#1 stations, airports & bus terminals should not have multiple exit points.

My colleague coming down from Kolkata was to be received at CST. During the countless conversations I had with him over the phone before he left Kolkata, I had repeatedly told him that I’d be waiting at the taxi queue & that he was supposed to call me when his train reached the station. But it seems God has blessed me with friends & colleagues who would teach me new lessons every day of my life (like why train terminals should have only 1 exit). As all the passengers of Madgaon Express alighted (which came 1 hour after the Gitanjali Express had arrived & thought, by the railways, to be dirty enough to be the first train ever to be cleaned within an hour of it’s arrival. Although I must mention here that cleaning for railways is a different term. This same day, I took the last train from CST to Andheri in which a sweeper boarded at Mahim Stn., swept the main aisle without cleaning the space between the seats & got off at Bandra Stn., my type of worker) I knew I had lost another friend, this time physically, to the functioning of railways. Just then I received a call from an unknown number, it was my friend on the other side. I greeted him with the new swear words I have learnt recently & kept on repeating them because he calmly told me he’d caught a local train from CST & had reached his hotel while I waited with a taxi for him at CST. Which led me to…

Lesson#2 Nobody is really dependant on you.

As I reached the Hotel this person was calmly puffing on a cigarette in the lobby. Just out of courtesy he had refused to check in before I got there. I helped him to check-in (the first time I used my office ID ever for such things, except when I need to take benefits for the “below poverty line” citizens. I have come to know very recently that anyone working in our office, vide some government statute, is considered to be underpaid & is allowed to claim concessions at rationing shops, but everyone need not line up to claim benefits, we are really paid nothing or thereabouts.) & that being the only reason that my friend had called me & now I am stuck with him for a week. I am sure he will be the source of entertainment for coming days.

I hope by this above post I have made most of my readers (1 out of the 2 that are still alive) happy. Also I expect to not listen to any cribs from Iyer over the next session, its too weird to have a Sanjeev Kumar imitator ask me to write a post. And notwithstanding Appoo’s protests to the contrary, I hope to have made some people (either of you 2, my dear readers) giggle & forget your worries, if my post wasn’t relaxing the colour should do the trick for you, or better still read the books I have recommended.

Now I have reached a stage where my hands refuse to put in words the thoughts which are coming out of my mind.

People May Not Like You At The Same Moment That You Like Them!!!

2005-05-14T13:42:00.000+05:30

The setting this time was a new watering hole at Andheri East. (Appoo, we found that CT serves adulterated IB). And we were talking about how we wasted the week. And during such discussion, Abhijit, out of the blue, makes a statement “People May Not Like You At The Same Moment That You Like Them”. This statement hit me like a ton of bricks, the high I was in, changed into a realization. Till now I had thought that either people liked you or they didn't, I had not taken this possibility into account. Suddenly for me, a lot of things started to make sense. Why people behave the way they do? (I forgot to ask Abs what he had for breakfast yesterday) I do not know, or rather don’t remember, the context in which this statement was made, but roughly, we were discussing as to why a person does not like us even though we like him/her, and are we right in giving up that relationship and move on? And Abs comes up with a statement like this!!!. We were there a minimum of 3 hours yesterday, but this statement was the only thing I remembered when I woke up, after a drinking binge.

And as the meaning slowly sunk in I realized, this statement is not limited to “like” or “love”, it can be applied to all emotions, even hate (People may not hate you the same moment that you hate them) or respect (people may not respect you at the same moment that you respect them). We always assume that a person has to like/love/hate/respect us the same instant that we like/love/hate/respect him/her & if we do not see that emotion or reaction we believe that the person will never like / hate / love you. I realized, that deep down we wish we could control other people’s emotions consequently we wish other people to think like us, to become like us. And yes Abs, you were right when you said people being unique in themselves, each has a different “emotional reaction time”. That it requires co-incidence (or both being drunk) to have a same “emotional reaction time. I have come to believe that the best way to not being hurt & not hurting is to memorize this statement that Abhijit, while connected to the cosmic consciousness made.

And to conclude, when we feel frustrated by people not understanding us, the only thing to remember is that “People may not understand you at the same moment that you understand them”, but it is wrong to give up on it and move on. You have to give time to people whom you care about, they will come to understand you.

Great statement Abs.

And Appoo, we even tried to SMS you, didn’t connect unfortunately.

Salary Account Crib

2005-05-10T12:22:00.000+05:30

Had 2 bad days in a row. As in, I had to deal with some stupid stuff, which wasn’t my responsibility in the first place, yet opened my eyes to a new reality. The problem was simple: Open Employees Salary Accounts. It was my job to liaise with our bankers while the Admin.Dept. would collect information from the staff.

It turned out to be a nightmare. I found out nearly half of my staff did not have proper documents. The Engineers, MBA’s etc. born & brought up in India did not have documents to prove either their identity or their residential address. On the other hand our peons who are immigrant labour from Nepal have both ration cards to prove their residential status & passport/driving licenses to prove their identity. If the government were to raid our premises to find out immigrant labour I am pretty sure my Nepali peons will remain while half of my staff will be branded as Nepali/Bangladeshis whatever & deported.(Although I will be mighty happy to get rid of the junk).

There were even cases where 2 government documents had 2 different residential addresses. How can people like such be kept alive? They don’t need me to open their accounts they need to hire lawyers for that. They need to hire constitutional experts to find out what their citizenship status is. My brain & knowledge falls way too short for the complexities brought about by the economic prosperity of India, the subsequent middle class prosperity & the need for owning multiple houses, thereby having their ration card’s address where they were born, passport address of the place they went to school & driving license address of some village where their family made the unfortunate decision of participating in the civilized world.

I have even met a person who, when I asked for his cellphone bill (hoping that at least it would show the address mentioned on his passport) told me that he had put his girlfriends address while registering for the cellphone!!! Why??? Why would anyone put their girlfriends residential address when registering their cellphone? I have since begun the “Best of 3” policy, where in any 2 documents that match become the attachments. Of course this is where the bank gave me a new challenge.

Our bank offers various standard amenities to salary accounts free of cost. We have e-banking, phone alerts etc.etc. Some people would want that, some wouldn’t. Those who wish for the amenities need to fill up a section in the form & sign the verification. It so happened that our bankers asked people at random to sign that damn verification. It did not matter whether you required e-banking or not, if the day you were born had mars in the ascending house, you would be the chosen one to have your forms sent back as incomplete. Then the staff would, and rightly so, refuse to sign on verification because they did not want an e-banking option. Also there were cases where people had not signed the verification for e-banking & yet got their forms passed.

All this has made me believe in destiny, dark forces, angels etc. I even have a photograph of Goddess Lakshmi posted on my desk now; I show every bank form to the Goddess & then submit it. Have opened most of the accounts, couple of complex cases remain, they are awaiting a Special Supreme Court Constitutional Bench to give decision on their citizenship status & then they need to verify their horoscopes to find out which planets were in the ascending house when they were born. Till then I keep their money.

The Rush Of "Madnesh"

2005-05-09T15:44:00.000+05:30

The following is an incident, which happened a couple of weeks back. This is the sort of thing that I sit & wait for at Bandra Stn. to happen, all the while not knowing my office buddy would be involved in such an incident. I really hate to ruin someone’s reputation by talking about his or her embarrassing moments, but then what are friends for?

(I owe it to my office buddy to reveal his name on the Internet, though people used to call him Yadnesh until the time this mail was sent to everyone in the office, people have somehow liked the new name, even I believe it fits him. All in all it was a fun incident that no one got hurt in, except for 2 buttons which are missing in action & presumed dead somewhere on Andheri Platform)

Date: 25^th April 2005
Time: 7:56 PM
Place: Reay Road Stn.
Cast: Myself, Madnesh (name changed to protect identity), Paras (in
supporting role).

The three of us, i.e. the phenomenon called Madnesh & I are supposed to meet Paras at Andheri station at 8 - 8:15 PM. The only problem being, Paras had already reached Andheri by the time we ran up to Reay Road Stn. just to see the 7:56 PM Andheri Local leave (thanks to the phenomenon called Madnesh,as he sat in the workshop trying to make an electronic equipment work, which by the looks of it was winning the stubbornness competition between the two). There was not going to be another Andheri Local till 8:24 PM.

We wait on the Reay Road Station planning to catch the next best thing, the 8:09 PM Bandra. Madnesh knowing that going in the Bandra Local means 30 mins.delay & in a rush of madness declares that we will change trains at Bandra & catch a Borivli Fast. Despite all my protests which were met by certain training instructions on boarding & alighting. I have to mention here that I really don’t like traveling in a fast train, it’s kind of this complex that I have. I have, not under hypnotic regression but under the influence of alcohol & a cheap cigarette found the reason to be a traumatic experience I underwent when in college. That time I had innocently hopped onto a Virar Fast during peak hours. The incident left a permanent scar on my psyche not to mention the permanent bump on my head. I do not know if there is any word to describe the fear of traveling by a fast train but if it exists it should, I demand, have Virar in it.

Halfway, that’s at Vadala, Paras calls me on my cellphone & knowing what will be coming I let Madnesh handle the call. (A person who is that confident of traveling in a fast train can handle anything, least of all Paras). I do not know what the conversation was about but it did involve death threats which increased the level of madness already existing & out of this madness, Madnesh claimed to be at Bandra instead of Vadala where we were (Now, not only did we have to rush from Bandra till Andheri but also make up time from Vadala to Bandra). Alighting at Bandra Madnesh scared that Paras just might make true his threats, pitched again for us to travel by Borivli Fast. All are aware at how athletic both of us, Madnesh & myself are plus we carry 20 kg bags (the bags are supposedly for carrying our Tiffin weighing 84 gms, the rest of the weight is of the rocks that couldn’t fit in our cranial cavity). Our athletic physique & the weight that we carry made the enterprise of boarding & alighting a fast train even more risky.

Eventually after much arguments & "Mad"-nesh logic (I also wanted to overcome my fear, I guess), I decided to give it a shot. We boarded a Borivli fast but in the rush of madness or Madnesh we end up in the luggage compartment. I have heard that, people, in stressful/life threatening situations connect with the cosmic consciousness & have visions of the future (it also happens when people are stone drunk & get locked on the terrace at 3 in the morning). I remember telling Madnesh "tujhe Andheri pe nangaa karke utarenge". I never guessed it would be so true. Anyways, we stand at the door enjoying the breeze & making good time, so much so that we approached Andheri in the time we would still be standing at Bandra Station for the Andheri Harbour Local. I started to think that maybe I was wrong in doubting Madnesh that I should do this everyday so I could reach home earlier, that all my opposition to traveling by fast train was a phobia (This is where I learnt that when a person loses connection with the cosmic consciousness they, for the next 30 mins. generally behave in an erratic fashion, coming up with nonsensical conclusions). But as Andheri approached I could see the crowd on the platform to board the train & the thirst of blood in their eyes. So as soon as I thought the train had slowed down enough to be safe to jump out I used my martial arts knowledge (learned from very relevant & informative Mithun films, namely “Cheetah”) to jump over people’s head (something like Matrix along with my bag et al). As soon as I land (that is as soon as I trip, stumble, jog, bump into a signboard), I turn around to congratulate Madnesh for a mission accomplished. But Madnesh is nowhere to be seen, there are only a couple of bhaiyyas trying to get into the luggage compartment with these huge jute sacks (I’d say 5’ by 3’ jute sacks), but no Madnesh. I silently prayed for Madnesh, thinking of all the excuses to say to my boss for having lost a 120 Kg. stubborn service engineer to those 50 Kg. (cumulative weight) bhaiyyas. Just as I am about to turn around to get on to the foot over bridge, I catch a glimpse of a head coming out from near the bhaiyyas knees, I see a red face peeping out from in-between the soiled dhotis. It’s one of those incidents, which Ripley’s will be proud to telecast on their show. Madnesh resurfaces around 2 feet off the ground, to achieve this feat, he has to either lie down in the train or have his legs picked up by someone standing behind him (& knowing that he has got a slip disc, it should be excruciatingly painful). Soon there’s more of him than his head, slowly he’s coming out from between the bhaiyyas (although here I wanted to use the words “appeared from in-between bhaiyya’s legs”, it sounded too obscene). The whole thing reminded me of the scene from Ace Ventura, where Jim Carrey comes out of the mechanized rhino. Madnesh is now out of the train upto his waist, he has lost 2 buttons & I can see the part, where most of the 120 kgs. of his total body mass is concentrated. He is almost nude waist up as the bhaiyyas have him pinned between that huge sack & their legs. After a lot of struggling Madnesh does manage to extricate himself and there is a happy re-union of me & Madnesh on the Andheri platform. Where Madnesh lost his buttons & the belt of his new, gifted-by-his-fiancé bag (not too mention his confidence, he is now content to sit out at the Bandra Station looking at people indulging in madness, across the platform).

There on the platform of Andheri station I learnt an important lesson "Never give in to Madnesh, doesn’t matter how convincing he/it sounds".

Also a new phrase was born "Dar ke maare buttons phat ke haath mein aa gaye"

There’s just so much that is possible to write about a nice person, who is probably somewhere on a nudist beach in Goa right now, trying to flash unsuspecting foreigners. If only they knew about this incident they would have one more thing to laugh about.

Yadnesh if you are reading this, remeber how i had promised to make you famous? Atleast 2 people somehwhere in the world know you messed up. Cheers!!!

Early Bird

2005-02-15T10:33:00.000+05:30

As a part of the implemented economical measures I have decided that I will not travel by auto to the station instead I’ll walk all the way. Which means that I have to hit the sack early & get up early. An experiment I was dying to try after a screwed up day at work.

In my habit of over doing things I ended up in bed at 10 in the night, although the days events that I had been through put me to me to sleep but the problem was that my old & allegedly dirty sleeping habits made sure I was up by 4 AM!! I had no clue what I was supposed to do at 4 AM. I couldn’t sleep as I had my daily quota of 6 hrs.of sleep (earlier that would be 2 AM to 8 AM) I was up so early that if I’d wanted I could’ve walked to Reay Road Station in time for office but the thought of additional exercise scared me. I don’t want to live a day more in this world than I am supposed to.

I went for bath at 4.30 AM which scared everyone (apparently the cockroaches too, I couldn’t find any). I’ve always been amused of my grandparents waking at unearthly hours & bathe & then have tea & breakfast. Here I was (maybe it is hereditary, passed on to alternate generations), up & ready by 5 AM. Even the milkmaid (she aint a maid anymore, unfortunately) was stunned to find me all dressed up, I just hope she didn’t think I was dressed up to meet her (if only I could invite her for a coffee & explain my predicament of waking early & having to spend 3 hours before I could leave for office).

I was feeling fresh & raring to go but the only problem being that the rest of the city was totally unawares of my new experiment. Even TV in the morning carries either exercise shows or bhajans (which I’ve had enough of) & a surprise that day of a special programme on Bappida, I am sure even Bappida must not be waking up to watch his own shows.

Finally since I couldn’t keep myself at home doing nothing decided to walk down to the station by 7:30 AM to catch the 9:06 local. Walked to the station as slowly as only I possibly could with people waiting at the bus stop staring at me with pity in their eyes, if only they knew I had spent the past 3 hours pitying myself. As I reached station I found the 8:05 train waiting, the earlier days incidents were repellant enough for me to not go to office ever, at least not without a sidearm and not an hour early. I left 2 trains before my colleague found me sitting on a bench lost in my own thoughts.

This has been made a habit to save Rs.9/- although I am still looking for ideas to spend time from 4 AM to 7 AM. Washing building cars for money is currently my hot favourite.

Early Birds may catch the worm, but they have their unique problems.

(Today’s Wake Up time 5.05 AM).

The Harbour Local

2005-02-14T23:30:00.001+05:30

Finally an uneventful week has passed. Have been traveling in second class of the luxury train “The Harbour Local” to work for the past week or so. The balance on my chequebook, which I later realized did not include 1 month’s salary credit, which I’d forgotten to add due to the new years weekend, prompted this particular decision/drastic measure. The deed was already done by the time I was aware of this “slight” error.

I had no idea of the adventure waiting for me the next week. Although well aware of the crowd in the train I was encouraged by the fact that 2 of my office buddies & another colleague travel in the same train in second class (and also the fact I kept bumping into my boss in first class every morning, whom I’d be able to avoid was about the only silver lining in the whole episode).

The first day of second-class travel I made it a point to reach the station a bit earlier & check out the opposition that is when I realized I was short by 2 teammates, my office buddies had gone on offshore vessel servicing for the week. I had just lost my 2 pilots, who would help to clear the way before me as I boarded, I was on my own for the week. The target, as I had been briefed the week before, was to be the 1^st coach after the ladies coach (as the distance from the exit at the destination is less), this too, I realized late, is common to all the stations resulting in that coach being extra crowded. As the train entered the station I hopped in as awkwardly as only I can, which made sure I kicked a couple of passengers who were trying to board in alongside me, but since being kicked at least once while traveling is common they let me off.

As I walked into the compartment (rather got pushed into it) I saw my office colleague already sitting by the window seat, I never saw him get on, for a moment I wished if I could’ve kicked him instead. I went & sat next to him, what was to follow was hell.

As the train left the station everything was fine as I sat enjoying the morning’s newspaper the only difference being the hard wooden bench & a person sitting on fourth seat on a 3 seater bench, pretty normal for second class. As the stations passed & the crowd started to increase I realized the mistake of getting into the first compartment. By Khar we were 7 people sitting on a bench for 3 people, it reminded me of the displays on republic day parades where 101 BSF Guards balance themselves on an Enfield motorcycle, with the commentator going in the background “…look how majestically the jawans of BSF ride on the motorcycle…”. (Why & what that proves about the BSF I still have to figure & majestically? How?) I wasn’t feeling majestic being one of the 7 people sitting on a single bench meant for 3 people. I had become the newest member of my colleague’s traveling group. This group to my (added) misfortune also included couple of eunuchs these guys/gals also have “call signs” (or professional names) apart from their real names (samples: Heena, Kum-Kum, Deepa & Ashok!! Yes Asok!!!, I believe Ashok is still an apprentice & hasn’t been allotted a call sign yet, I pray to God everyday that let it not be me, the new member, who has to suggest a call sign when he/she is ready, although I’ve already kept a couple of names ready just in case). I am of the belief that they are the comic relief, they are the ones on whom the nastiest of jokes are directed, all the frustration of traveling is directed, I cant help but feel sorry for them.

Finally as it is time for me to alight I find there is no way through to the door. With the habit of 1st Class I take my bag & hold it down in my hand & ask everyone to excuse me (which apparently no one understands). My colleague who is by now laughing at me asked me to hold my bag on top of my head (with one hand) & grip the nearest handlebar for the final shove. It was the most scariest part of the whole journey it was “ejection” rather than “alighting”. As the station neared there was this large shout of “Reay Road”, the battle cry had gone up & the assault would begin, I had to just hold my bag tight over my head & the mob was to do the rest, I held my breath as the “push came to shove” (learned the actual meaning of the term) & then next thing I realized I was outside the compartment & almost entering the station masters office, the shove was so strong I just stood as I was thrown out hard almost crossing the breadth of the platform before I could come to a stop.

To avoid this madness I even changed compartments, but ended up sitting in a “bhajan mandali” compartment (this is the compartment where a group passes time by singing bhajans) It is loud, irritating & the worst part is that even though they sing in Marathi I cannot understand a thing of it, not even to which god they are accusing for putting them in the “Harbour Local”.

(I promise more later, if I make it through this month.)

Gods Threat!

2005-01-23T05:30:00.000+05:30

Had a weird experience yesterday involving an ISKCON salesman (Hare Rama Hare Krishna weirdo/fundamentalist/gods right hand man etc.). The setting (as with most of my experiences & observations) is at Happy, a small restaurant close to my house, at 3.30 PM (for the first time ever in my life i've been to happy in the afternoon) & am reading this book titled White Lotus by Osho. When this procession of Hare Rama Hare Krishna followers makes its way down the road opposite happy, making a racket at 4 PM in the evening, & causing traffic jam just before rush hour. I am not sure but i think a couple of ISKCON salesmen were selling some ISKCON reading materials to the passersby & probably had come into happy for a drink of water, thats when i realised a guy staring at my book. I knew then & there that he'll be making a sales pitch to me but the conversation that followed was amusing:

ISKCON guy: Sir will you take a look at these books about Krishna Consciousness?
Me: No thanks.
ISKCON Guy: (continuing with his pitch & not hearing what i'd said) There this book about science & krishna consciousness.
Me: No thanks, but i've already got a book to read.
ISKCON Guy: What you are reading is trash! (pointing to my Osho Book) You will not gain anything from it.
(pause. This is the time I thought i'd be left alone again, but no)
ISKCON Guy: Do you know who is going to die?
Me: All are going to die eventually, i think.
ISKCON Guy: No, you are going to die, not me , you alone will die, I am amar (eternal) .

And finally he leaves, till then most of the people in the restaurant are stunned with our conversation, someone from the other table who'd half heard the conversation asked whether that guy had threatened to kill me.

All I can make of this conversation is that yes, I was threatened, I was threatened with eternal damnation (probably the way this "disciple" was recruited). I will not say that Osho & his books are good or bad, that is not for me to judge, heck i wouldnt mind reading ISKCON books for that matter , but the point is when i read or want to know about spirituality (or any knowledge for that matter) the first thing that i always do is to keep aside all bias or prejudice & as far as possible keep my mind open to any viewpoints. Knowledge, as far as i can make it, is different from judgements, judgements happen only before or upto the point till "full" knowledge is gained . After you "know" why would you want to judge, since any judgement is immaterial to you at that stage. If he has himself read ISKCON books I wonder what made this guy think that what Osho wrote was different & crappier than what ISKCON publishes?.

I read books coz I just want to know what various people think, thats all. Whether they think right or wrong is not something i am looking for, I am looking for the emotion that the writing evokes, the peacefulness that the authors words & their thoughts evoke. If these guys sell their books in a manner in which vegetables are sold it'll be really difficult for people like me to read such books. To say the least I am off reading any ISKCON stuff.

If i am going to die , theres no point reading about eternal life.

Circus Office

2005-01-19T03:39:00.000+05:30

Its really hard to understand what is taught in an MBA programme nowadays. What the security guard understands in our office is hardly understood by any one in our management, if studies are meant to teach you things & not just to decide what pay package you are to get & at what grade are you to be employed, the B-schools arent doing great job of it. The current crisis being alternate saturday offs , which are given in turns to half the staff, so that the office is functioning on all saturdays. This move was meant to make sure that the office does not lose business on saturdays as well as keeping the employees happy.

The first mistake was that the staff stregnth was never measured to see whether half the staff will be able to keep the office functioning on a saturday. Now saturdays have become stressful days for some persons(including me as it means i end up filling up for 3 people & that too across departments, so this work which i generally dont do & am not qualified for, is expected of me every alternate saturday). There goes the employee morale.

The Second Mistake was that, like i've said above, some staff are filling in for off duty employees every fortnight, which means that what has happened in the past 2 weeks they have no clue whatsoever, which also means theat execution of any deal will take more time than average, as the replacement worker has to refer to the past weeks correspondences etc. Late execution means unhappy customers. Which again proves that just keeping the office open 6 days a week means nothing if you are going to make your existing customers unhappy.

There has also been a side effect to this whole episode. Groupism amongst the staff. On one side there are those who want alternate saturdays off & on the other those who dont want saturday offs (or rather they want saturdays off or on to be applicabel to all the staff simultenously). A team in such circumstances cannot develop, which makes the daily functioning across "groups" a challenge now.

Now the last year or so i've been in this employment i have seen alternate saturdays to be off for 3 months, then we'd had 3 months of saturdays working, now we're again planning to have saturdays off. Which goes to prove what a management without a strategy does, it works on trial & error, trying (or hoping) to get it right the next time. When the management thinks that there are some problems which are too trivial to be analysed & then there are only a few problems which are important & which require careful study that is when the mistake occurs. The biggest mistake that i feel any mangement makes is when it tries to analyse & attach importance to the problems. What needs analysis is the future course of action or the solutions.

Keeping alternate saturdays off or on, on the face of it might seem a trivial problem but even without a MBA degree i could point the potential flaws (some have already started to surface). Atleast twice the company has gone through the same mistake. This time i am hoping to make this the last decision i will see taken in the company.

Friendly Conversation

2004-11-28T09:00:00.000+05:30

The following conversation is between Adit, Appoo, Abs & Myself & has been reproduced here verbatim, under protest and under coercion as will be evident after u've read the blog. But i've decided it to publish it anyways because everyone is of the view that my blog is a garbage dump & this piece of conversation belongs here (and thereby indirectly admitting that whatever they speak is garbage). The second reason being that i have promised myself that all sorts of experiments will be allowed & incorporated happily.

Disclaimer: While most part this conversation is appropriate for all readers, there are a few instances which may be offensive & appropriate only for mature audiences. I have merely posted this conversation, and that doesn't necessarily mean that I like it, or support any of the content. I take no responsibility for the content, or if you're offended by them. Names & identities used in the conversation except for adit, appoo, abs & mine are all fictitious & do not relate to any living person that i know of, any resemblance is purely co-incidental.

Aditya says:

order it online or something?

Aditya says:

abe bird

Apoorva says:

yeah....

Apoorva says:

bird might have changed screens

Apoorva says:

his boss must have come in

Aditya says:

heck, i lost the model when i disc

Aditya says:

do u have it?

Apoorva says:

HP IPAQ RZ1710

Aditya says:

ok, did u find it ?

Aditya says:

or should i have a look?

BIRD says:

sorry guys boss alert

Apoorva says:

not getting it.... one is www.cases.com

Apoorva says:

u also look about

Apoorva says:

hpshopping pe bhi hoga

Apoorva says:

but trying to get a good deal

Aditya says:

bird u pda feels shy moving around nangaa wot?

BIRD says:

nah it gets abused moving nangaa

BIRD says:

it gets stuff like lighters poked

Aditya says:

apoo, leke jaa re isko....

BIRD says:

but its cool man

Aditya says:

samjha re isko

BIRD says:

can read a hell lot of books without the bulk

Aditya says:

ya?

Apoorva says:

http://www.shopping.hp.com/cgi-bin/hpdirect/shopping/scripts/product_detail/product_detail_view.jsp?BV_SessionID=@@@@2021194543.1101532161@@@@&BV_EngineID=ccchadddehjhdijcfngcfkmdflldfjl.0&product_code=FA161A%23AC3&cross_link=1

BIRD says:

abe

Apoorva says:

its a leather case in hpshopping

Aditya says:

bird, have a look

Apoorva says:

if the link does not open up, goto hp shopping

Apoorva says:

search for the 1710

Apoorva says:

i think they have a 1715, no 1710 anymore

Aditya says:

if the link doesnt open for bird, i'll whoop his ass

BIRD says:

beg borrow steal

BIRD says:

adit buy anything that is Sunder Sastaa Tikau

Apoorva says:

$14.99 is the min. i see right now

Apoorva says:

bird, look in alpha

Apoorva says:

i am sure he will have

Apoorva says:

also ask the waither at CT, i think i saw him take our orders on his PDA

BIRD says:

ok i've called abs to come online

Apoorva says:

or was I too drunk????

Aditya says:

ok, apoo tell me details cause my brain is sleepy rite now and can only insult bird

BIRD says:

coz andy tried at Hong Kong culdnt get one

BIRD says:

ae bhadwe

BIRD says:

do i call pals?

Apoorva says:

i swear call pals online

Aditya says:

nahin re

BIRD says:

i've asked abs

BIRD says:

yes dont call pals

Apoorva says:

fucker is phone sex with some nigger kya?

BIRD says:

nigger have no tastes

Aditya says:

hes sleeping rite now. I HAVE ALWAYS HAD PALS'S BEST INTERESTS IN MIND, SO I WONT WAKE HIM

BIRD says:

this is the only time adit can relax

Aditya says:

actually its the other way, i torture him so much, that he locks his room door and sits

Apoorva says:

btw, that abbs kaminaa

BIRD says:

then appoo was giving wrong info all this while

Apoorva says:

is the fucker alive.... i sent him a mail, lekin no reply.... i think he has blocked me on messenger also

BIRD says:

no he's awake

BIRD says:

doing some web stuff will come online in 10 mins

BIRD says:

apoo abs has asked you to "fuck off:"

Aditya says:

so bird whats the end result? do u get this in alpha - check and let me know. else i'll buy it here online somewhere

BIRD says:

infact i'll send u a mail tomm.

Veer Zorro has been added to the conversation.

Apoorva says:

abbs saala

Veer Zorro says:

heyy

Aditya says:

ok, apoos middle-man and supposed to do reseach

BIRD says:

yes appoo screw him

Veer Zorro says:

dhammaaaaal

Aditya says:

whats up abs?

Apoorva says:

no no bird.... i dont so the same kinds

Veer Zorro says:

yea .. screw me ....

Veer Zorro says:

use lubricants

Apoorva says:

hmmm.... abbs is changed since i left

BIRD says:

i've castrol here

Aditya says:

WERE U GUYS ONLY DRINKING ON THE TERRACE OR........

Apoorva says:

bird... drink the castol and throw a lighted matches down ya throat

BIRD says:

abs changed?

Veer Zorro says:

bird u keep forgeting ... castrol is ur lubricating partner ...

BIRD says:

yes

Veer Zorro says:

not meant to lubricate the partner

Apoorva says:

BIRD says:

i think everyones still having a hangover of veer zara

Veer Zorro says:

yea .. adit u have to see it

Apoorva says:

fuck, i read the rating s everywhere

Aditya says:

abs, u watched that movie wot?

Apoorva says:

they say awesome movie

BIRD says:

whats "S"?

BIRD says:

it is actually

Apoorva says:

ratings

Veer Zorro says:

me n bird were secret admirers of the movie man ..

BIRD says:

so our tastes are screwed up

Aditya says:

i'll touch pals's feet BUT NEVER WATCH THAT

Apoorva says:

secret admirers during the movie maybe

Veer Zorro says:

every 11 hundred milltionth song that came .. we went out and danced in the corridors

BIRD says:

yes

BIRD says:

even nischal was out dancing

Aditya says:

bird u were doing the LEZIM abs told me?

Veer Zorro says:

yes ... he too .. farro n appu were wiping each others tears

Apoorva says:

yeah... we had an emotional time

BIRD says:

yes appoo was senti for sure

Apoorva says:

farro wanted another CCD after that

Veer Zorro says:

but the best part in the movie was happening behind us

Apoorva says:

oh yeah.... that kiddo!!

Aditya says:

between a couple?

Veer Zorro says:

more like 3-4 insane gujju offsprings

BIRD says:

appoo raised his hand to hit me

Apoorva says:

i shud have

Apoorva says:

i think brd also made some childish noises

Aditya says:

from his behind?

Apoorva says:

hmmmm.... now i dont wanna think about that

Aditya says:

Veer Zorro says:

hmm

Apoorva says:

but thats dadas part

Aditya says:

hahhahahaha

Veer Zorro says:

dada was smart for a change ..

Veer Zorro says:

refused to fall in

Apoorva says:

btw guys.... anyone gear from mask?

Aditya says:

abs,plz tell bird that if i hear him crib even 1 evening in happy, i wont refrain from striking him...

Aditya says:

nope, u mean something along the lines of - 'bhailog, guess who got hitched...' ?

Veer Zorro says:

i dont tell him that anymore ...

Veer Zorro says:

mask ... i think ho gaya shaadi

Apoorva says:

i am talking mor ein terms of "guess who got married"

Aditya says:

u just strike him directly eh?

Aditya says:

muscles would probably get married and have kids in pune and we wouldnt know abt it

Apoorva says:

hmmm.... good we have an official bhabhiji by law!

Aditya says:

WHAT?

BIRD says:

kya?

Apoorva says:

put it the other way round

Veer Zorro says:

mask musta impressed MIL with his famous fart-at-will

Aditya says:

BIRD says:

bhenchod how come i dint get invited

Apoorva says:

muscles would probably have kids and get married in pune

Veer Zorro says:

before?

Apoorva says:

bird lost his free food

Veer Zorro says:

or after

BIRD says:

ya think the kids'll come first

Aditya says:

IS HE HITCHED ALREADY?

Veer Zorro says:

nhave kids with?

Apoorva says:

hmmm.... bakshi, will tell u details on phone

Aditya says:

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

BIRD says:

how many bhaiyya chicks are there in pune?

Apoorva says:

thought might meet u this weekend, lekin its not happening, so will detail u on phone

Veer Zorro says:

mask got married 12 years ago ..in a secret rendevous with one 3 year old infant

Aditya says:

wokay

Aditya says:

HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BIRD says:

abs thats your field

Apoorva says:

abbs, its bakshi, not beamer

Aditya says:

THATS ABS STORY BTW

Aditya says:

HE SPEAKING FROM THE HEART

BIRD says:

true adit

Aditya says:

let him continue

Veer Zorro says:

no my field was when i was mature enuf .. but the girl wasnt

Veer Zorro says:

in this case .. neither can tell their mothre from their dog

Veer Zorro says:

mother*

BIRD says:

i think thats when u learnt speech

Apoorva says:

lolz

BIRD says:

so u were already involved but couldnt express it

Aditya says:

FUCK, U BITCHES ARE REALLY AMUSING! pals n i were just getting senti abt childhood today itself

BIRD says:

we are senti too...

BIRD says:

but wee need daaru for that

BIRD says:

& the t-top to be locked

Veer Zorro says:

acha one thing guys .. bird secretly is in love with mask or shaan (dunno details) but it sure is a big shocker for appu et pals

BIRD says:

& appoo quiet

BIRD says:

abe

BIRD says:

i am so in love...

BIRD says:

i plan to settle in pune

Aditya says:

APOOOOOOOOO- IS IT MUSCLES N BIRD? noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Veer Zorro says:

sorry bird i had to spill it ..

BIRD says:

dont worry

Aditya says:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Apoorva says:

hmmmm.... this is very togh on me....

BIRD says:

i am the veer - in this true story

Apoorva says:

i am all alone guys.... i could do anyting right now

Apoorva says:

stop!

Aditya says:

bird u bastard, i thought u belonged to umm o nly

BIRD says:

i have to watch mask get married

Veer Zorro says:

apparently bird was impressed by mask whilst playing TT

Apoorva says:

bird.... if u r veer, please lock yourself up for 22 years

Veer Zorro says:

i was tryin to matchmake .. with u n bird doing the same

Veer Zorro says:

didnt work out really

BIRD says:

abe y is bird common here?

Aditya says:

U MEAN BIRD WAS IMPRESSED BY MUSCLES MANLY CHEST SWINGING AROUND DURING TT EH?

Veer Zorro says:

i told u appu .. play a 21 ka game

BIRD says:

yes

Veer Zorro says:

its all about the game

Apoorva says:

BIRD says:

games birds play

Veer Zorro says:

it started with a lusty feel i think ...

BIRD says:

huh?

BIRD says:

it started with 0-0

Apoorva says:

i am all lost

Aditya says:

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA

Veer Zorro says:

oh yea ...

Aditya says:

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

Veer Zorro says:

true .. love al

Aditya says:

pals should be woken up for this

Veer Zorro says:

yeaa

Veer Zorro says:

do it

Veer Zorro says:

slap him

Apoorva says:

i know, wake that nigger lover

BIRD says:

yes thats how we became prostitutes

Apoorva says:

we?

BIRD says:

we had to love all

BIRD says:

mask n me

Apoorva says:

BIRD says:

c'mon it takes 2 to play TT

BIRD says:

it'd have been fun if we were playing doubles

Veer Zorro says:

cmon bird .. i saw u playin alone dat day

BIRD says:

oops did ya

Aditya says:

WHAT HAPPENED TO BIRD IN THE 1.5 YEARS SINCE I LFET?

BIRD says:

fell on my head

BIRD says:

as soon as we left you at the airport

Veer Zorro says:

nothing .. just lost his virginity i supp

BIRD says:

& that too

Apoorva says:

virginity to the waiter at happpy

BIRD says:

i think it was the mental trauma of being locked up on the terrace for 8 mins

Veer Zorro says:

not just one

Apoorva says:

bird, with 3 ther guys... i now u enjoyed it

BIRD says:

yes i've made sure that the waiters keep changing at happy

Veer Zorro says:

yea ... true i second that

Apoorva says:

chaging what/

BIRD says:

u werent there ever, were u?

BIRD says:

the waiters

Apoorva says:

yes, what do the waiters change?

BIRD says:

abe the waiters keep changing

Veer Zorro says:

yea bird .. change what

BIRD says:

adit how close are u to appoo

Apoorva says:

so watching them change turns u on

BIRD says:

hmm...

BIRD says:

i can arrange for striptease at happy

Veer Zorro says:

adit u can choose not to answer that

Aditya says:

not as close as u seem to have gotten with the waiters

Apoorva says:

hehehehehee

Aditya says:

HAHAHHAHAHHA

Apoorva says:

anymore CT days guys?

BIRD says:

i was always close to them

Aditya says:

EVERYBODY RAPE BIRD

BIRD says:

huh?

BIRD says:

BIRD RAPE?

Apoorva says:

no no

Veer Zorro says:

no no

Apoorva says:

thats a bad thought

Veer Zorro says:

no bird rape

BIRD says:

yes just met a SPCA guy y'day

BIRD says:

could complain to him

Apoorva says:

after he met u he left SPCA?

BIRD says:

havent heard since

BIRD says:

sob

Veer Zorro says:

unfortunately SPCA guys care a lot less for humans than they do animals

BIRD says:

it better than caring for neither humans nor animals

Veer Zorro says:

yea true

BIRD says:

i'd like to care for animals

BIRD says:

but i hate animal fur

Veer Zorro says:

apooo

BIRD says:

yuck

Veer Zorro says:

y have u put this streteched pic on ur profile

Veer Zorro says:

stretched*

Apoorva says:

makes me look thinner.... actually i say its stretched so i look fatter

Veer Zorro says:

make it an optimal size walla thingy na

Apoorva says:

arre, its too small

Veer Zorro says:

u look like ajit agarkar

Apoorva says:

kuch problem hai kya?

Apoorva says:

he he ehh e

Apoorva says:

cool

Aditya says:

APOO WHAT HAPPENED TO THE INNOCENCE OF BIRD? THAT INNOCENT GUY I SAW ENVELOPED IN SMOKE IN HAPPY EVERY EVENING OF MY YOUTH?

Apoorva says:

innocent?

Apoorva says:

bird?

Veer Zorro says:

well ...

Apoorva says:

delusion

Veer Zorro says:

yea ...

Veer Zorro says:

it was made up ..

Aditya says:

think so

Veer Zorro says:

20 odd year old hoax

Apoorva says:

he was trying to lure you

BIRD says:

hmm...

Aditya says:

Apoorva says:

faking innocence

Aditya says:

Apoorva says:

slowly get u into bed

Aditya says:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BIRD says:

damn u appoo

BIRD says:

i had another chance coming this dec.

Apoorva says:

sorry bird...

Aditya says:

i dont even wanna think of any person getting into bed with bird - spare the horror

BIRD says:

u spoilt everything

Apoorva says:

he tried hard for farro

Veer Zorro says:

he still is

Apoorva says:

yeah, am sure

BIRD says:

yes any guy there is i am trying for him

Veer Zorro says:

every nite goes around mumbai to tear off his posters

Apoorva says:

i could see him tremble when farro hugged him

BIRD says:

farro hugged em?

BIRD says:

i mustve passed out

BIRD says:

of excitement

BIRD says:

farro takes fees for hugging

BIRD says:

i cant affor him

Aditya says:

hang on, what does he do with the posters - NO PLEVIC MOVEMENTS I HOPE?

BIRD says:

& u guys make fun of that

BIRD says:

sob

Aditya says:

HAHAHHAHAH

Veer Zorro says:

pin up boy is farro

Veer Zorro says:

bird ka room mein

Aditya says:

BIRD HUMPING FARROWS POSTER!

BIRD says:

hahahahaha

Apoorva says:

farro might get a cont=ract with shippers

Aditya says:

hhahhahahahha

Apoorva says:

shoppers

BIRD says:

for sailors?

Veer Zorro says:

sailor gay porn

BIRD says:

now ur involving popeye

Apoorva says:

no no.... i am the sailor man

BIRD says:

hmm....

Veer Zorro says:

okai .. u can be the captiane

BIRD says:

so whats gay basically

Veer Zorro says:

bird

Veer Zorro says:

and ..

Veer Zorro says:

hmm just bird

BIRD says:

nah i watn technical definition not an example

Veer Zorro says:

oki ...

Veer Zorro says:

hmm .. bird

BIRD says:

since pappu is saying he cant be gay since he is a man

Veer Zorro says:

ask urself .. are u worth a technical definition ...

Aditya says:

BHAILOG I'M GONNA HAVE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME WITH BIRD TO GET HIS MIND BACK ON TRACK LOOKS LIKE

BIRD says:

HI i am bird...

BIRD says:

& i need help

Veer Zorro says:

science tells us that .. "what cannot be explained but is found in visible practicality has to put up as a definition"

BIRD says:

define definition

BIRD says:

Veer Zorro says:

"and what cannot be explained and is not seen as a daily occurance, is called paranormal"

Veer Zorro says:

waah waah

Apoorva says:

define definition.... no.... here we go again

Aditya says:

APOO DO I HAVE TO GO BACK AND LISTEN TO ALL THAT - ESPECIALLY SINCE I'M GONNA BE SOBER?

Veer Zorro says:

yups

Aditya says:

Apoorva says:

now u know why i took to drinking?

Aditya says:

Veer Zorro says:

of course ... there were hidden clauses in apus case

Veer Zorro says:

like .. he was destined

Veer Zorro says:

a. A statement conveying fundamental character.

b. A statement of the meaning of a word, phrase, or term, as in a dictionary entry.

2. The act or process of stating a precise meaning or significance; formulation of a meaning.

a. The act of making clear and distinct: a definition of one's intentions.

Veer Zorro says:

all these are incorrect

Apoorva says:

lolz

Aditya says:

APOO - WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO NANGUYS IN 1.5 YEARS?

Aditya says:

dadas constant gassing of the building was too much for public?

Veer Zorro says:

some weird ass 11 member gujju/maadi girl team has taken over Rele's apartment

Aditya says:

HAHAHHAHAHHAHA

Veer Zorro says:

this family has a new member everyy day ... me n bird have counted 11 so far

Aditya says:

SO BIRD STANDS IN HIS HALL AT NITE IN THE DARKNESS AND WANKS OFF EH?

Veer Zorro says:

all extreme thepla material

BIRD says:

Aditya says:

HAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHA

BIRD says:

i've never counted any member of that family

Veer Zorro says:

bird .. yes .. there are two elderly uncles too

Apoorva says:

he he ehh e

Apoorva says:

new gujjus

Apoorva says:

this is news

Apoorva says:

any good looking chicks?

Veer Zorro says:

u just missed em apoo

Apoorva says:

we can shift to abbs place then

Aditya says:

saala - apoo will join bird behind the curtains at nite

Veer Zorro says:

they're not really worth the effort ...

Veer Zorro says:

but u guys can still shift ... we'll make my room a bar

Apoorva says:

ghar-bar

Aditya says:

i can just imagine 4-5 nanguys behind curtains letching - its the lack og girls in our childhood which made us this way

Veer Zorro says:

yea .. i can answer ppl then .. “ghar-bar nahi hai kya” koi pooche tho ...

Aditya says:

HAHAHHAH

Veer Zorro says:

the 5th one will be content with daaru .. remaining 4 can do whatever the fuck they want

Aditya says:

do u think we should paste this conv on nanguys for other ppls amusement?

Veer Zorro says:

blog it

Aditya says:

birds fuck-all blog or apoo?

Veer Zorro says:

apoo

Veer Zorro says:

bird chodus .. kya likhta hai uske blog mein ..

Aditya says:

NOBODY IN THEIR FUCKIN MIND WILL PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT BIRD WRITES

Veer Zorro says:

wheres bird btw

Aditya says:

U CAN INSULT BIRDS PANT OFF AND HE STILL TAKES IT MEEKLY

Aditya says:

abe pussy!

Aditya says:

yes u bird!

Veer Zorro says:

callin him

Aditya says:

MUST BE HIDING IN THE TOILET AND CRYING

Aditya says:

APOO KUCH BOL ABT BIRD MAN

Apoorva says:

arre

Veer Zorro says:

his boss was fingering him

Apoorva says:

i think iam the only guy who reads bird blog

Veer Zorro says:

still on

Apoorva says:

and comments on it too

Aditya says:

fuck abs, this has to go on a blog man!

Veer Zorro says:

sure does

Aditya says:

ppl, pals just walked into the room

Veer Zorro says:

beat him

Aditya says:

then he walked out again

Apoorva says:

he he he

Apoorva says:

he sawu i assume?

Aditya says:

hes too sleepy yaar

Apoorva says:

shud i call him?

Apoorva says:

and wake hi completely/

Veer Zorro says:

yea ... beat him

Aditya says:

NOPE - HES REALLY TIRED

Veer Zorro says:

beat him i say

Aditya says:

LETS JUST CONTINUE PICKING ON BIRD

Veer Zorro says:

btw way .. happy thanksgiving to al

Veer Zorro says:

any turkey left for moi?

Aditya says:

yup, i'll get it in dec.

Apoorva says:

hehehehehehe

Apoorva says:

i didnt have turkey myself

Veer Zorro says:

i’d like a full one ..

Apoorva says:

but happy thanksgiving anyways

Veer Zorro says:

yea .. the shah of iran/shahs of nandanvan wanted turkey

Veer Zorro says:

actually ...

Veer Zorro says:

cannot imagine the shahs of nandnavan having anything to do with a turkey

Aditya says:

what are the shahs upto after looting money?

Veer Zorro says:

which one

Aditya says:

whats their next scheme for making money?

Veer Zorro says:

might u be talking of

Aditya says:

all of them!

Veer Zorro says:

the streaker is dead i think .. pl started playin cricket

Apoorva says:

he he e he

Apoorva says:

no no

Aditya says:

ur kidding me? allowed to play cric again?

Apoorva says:

got permission from mr. mewada

Veer Zorro says:

no .. illegal still

Apoorva says:

so shud be cool

Veer Zorro says:

but quitely they make noise

Aditya says:

ok,as long as we can play again

Aditya says:

TAK I LOVE U (in case this goes on blog and tak has patience to read so far. he should be rewarded)

Veer Zorro says:

no lovey msgs for anna?

Aditya says:

ANNA I LUST U.

Apoorva says:

ANNA is a PIMP

Aditya says:

FARROW, BIRD MAKES HOLES IN UR POSTERS EACH NITE - BEWARE

Apoorva says:

they are all on your mouth

Aditya says:

DADA, STOP GASSING NANDANVAN, AFTER TALKING TO BIRD N ABS I'M FEELING CONCERNED

Apoorva says:

dada is become very matur enow

Aditya says:

why? LADKI MILI KYA?

Apoorva says:

no no.... job mila

Apoorva says:

i forgot the company again

Apoorva says:

ut he makes legal transcripts into word documents

Aditya says:

DEVEN DADA..... DADA DADA.........

Veer Zorro says:

Apoorva says:

oki

Apoorva says:

onky girl guy is mask

Aditya says:

aur bata apoo, whats happening in ur country?

Apoorva says:

2 girl guy actually

Aditya says:

2 GIRLS?

Apoorva says:

he he.... cold gere

Apoorva says:

yeah.... lives with 2 girls

Aditya says:

haan?

Aditya says:

apoo , ui could be put in jail for spreading rumours

Apoorva says:

no no.... its truth

Apoorva says:

goto poona and see for yourslef

Aditya says:

apoo, i'm calling u after this conv haan -

Veer Zorro says:

back

Apoorva says:

Aditya says:

WHY IS BIRD PRETENDING TO WORK?

Apoorva says:

no no

Apoorva says:

he is actually lubricating his boss

Veer Zorro says:

u think?

Veer Zorro says:

he’s getting laid

Aditya says:

boss's front-end or back-end?

Veer Zorro says:

his boss’ a she

Aditya says:

WOAH

Veer Zorro says:

i think she puts the peons on him

Aditya says:

HAHAHHAHA

Apoorva says:

hehehehehhe

Aditya says:

THAT COMMENT ABOVE BOUGHT TEARS OF LAUGHTER TO MY EYES

Apoorva says:

practice on him and then come to me types eh?

Aditya says:

bird is smarter than we give him credit for - he'll prove u all wrong 1 day - wait n watch

Veer Zorro says:

yea .. he sure is .. he enjoys the peons

Veer Zorro says:

his boss doesnt know that na

Aditya says:

BIRD DOESNT KNOW IT HIMSELF

Apoorva says:

hehehehehhehehehehe

Apoorva says:

hahahahhaahhaha

Veer Zorro says:

yea .. but the enjoyment ... that stays

Apoorva says:

btw, balshi, i forgot

Apoorva says:

nidhi was asking about you

Aditya says:

bolo

Aditya says:

whose nidhi?

Apoorva says:

kinda depressed u were not gonna make it for diwali

Apoorva says:

and she knew u r coming @ 10th

Apoorva says:

arre, 7th floor nidhi

Aditya says:

holy fuck!

Veer Zorro says:

some serious crush shes got for all the childhood ragging u gave her

Aditya says:

small kids is abs's dept man!

Apoorva says:

no dude.... she asked me full serious.... "adit not coming for diwali kya?"

Apoorva says:

so i said, "nahi, he comes around.... "

Aditya says:

hahahahahhahahahaahha

Apoorva says:

n she wa slike i know.... 10th dec

Veer Zorro says:

hahahaaa

Veer Zorro says:

“nahi he comes around” in itself was fine

Aditya says:

hey hang on - i've got a rep for older gals (shivalis 10 months older)

Aditya says:

abs, u wanna take over?

Aditya says:

apoo, any gals my age were asking abt me?

Aditya says:

Veer Zorro says:

nopes .. sorrai .. im outta that for 4 years i think

Veer Zorro says:

but appu seems to be gettin there

Apoorva says:

hmmmmmmm......... nah nah.... i am good here

Veer Zorro says:

catch em young n watch em grow types

Apoorva says:

rather make them grow

Aditya says:

APOOO?

Aditya says:

younger girls?

Veer Zorro says:

oh yea ..

Veer Zorro says:

yes yes ...

Aditya says:

ABS tell me

Veer Zorro says:

big time

Apoorva says:

i stand outside hospitals

Veer Zorro says:

areeeeee

Veer Zorro says:

i forgot ...

Apoorva says:

waiting to see if its a baby girl or a guy

Veer Zorro says:

apooo did u tell em?

Aditya says:

SAALA APOO!

Apoorva says:

tell what?

Veer Zorro says:

about this certain someone

Aditya says:

ABS MAKE UP SOMETHING QUICK

Apoorva says:

hehehehehehehe

Apoorva says:

oh that one.... yah yah

Apoorva says:

i didnt tel man.... it got all over before i left for india

Veer Zorro says:

not makin up ..

Veer Zorro says:

its confirmed ..

Apoorva says:

so not worth mentioneing

Veer Zorro says:

i get reports now

Aditya says:

ABS, IGNORE APOO and tell me details

Veer Zorro says:

oh trust me ...

Veer Zorro says:

its just starting now

Veer Zorro says:

u remember the girl .. me n bird stripped for

Apoorva says:

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

Apoorva says:

hahahhaahaha

Aditya says:

ELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Veer Zorro says:

heeeeehaaaaaaaa

Apoorva says:

fuck..... not again man.... in the car was bad enough

Aditya says:

abs tell me all the saucy details -

Veer Zorro says:

shes got this thing

Veer Zorro says:

for our baby boy

Aditya says:

APOO WHY THE FUCK DIDNT U MAKE UR MOVE?

Apoorva says:

kindly note, "she is got this thing

Aditya says:

for u ???

Veer Zorro says:

yes .. all for him

Veer Zorro says:

apoooo sach sach bata

Apoorva says:

its abbs opinion

Apoorva says:

i have no comments to make.....

Aditya says:

abs, and i thought pals n me were his close pals - I GUESS NOT. anyways...

Aditya says:

DOST DOST NA RAHA......

Aditya says:

dont know whats after that or would have written

Apoorva says:

no no.... the other line does not go

Apoorva says:

well with this scenario

Veer Zorro says:

apooo bol yaar

Apoorva says:

kya???????

Veer Zorro says:

everything ...

Veer Zorro says:

the way u feel et al

Aditya says:

BOL NAA

Aditya says:

forget it abs, he doesnt trust us with his heart-felt feelings for eleena.

Apoorva says:

Aditya says:

abs, save this and put it on birds blog - might just convince me to visit it this once

Aditya says:

whats his site address?

Apoorva says:

remembird.blogspot.com

Apoorva says:

ok, now am back.... sorry, some other pal was on chat too

Apoorva says:

so about eleena.... like i told abbs... eccentric

Apoorva says:

so ruled out!

Aditya says:

yup, tell me?

Aditya says:

APOO DONT LIE

Veer Zorro says:

apooo gets all jostled up when this topic comes around

Aditya says:

Apoorva says:

he he

Veer Zorro says:

i dunno why

Aditya says:

TRUTH SHOULD PREVAIL

Apoorva says:

i prefer to maintain silence for her sake....

BIRD says:

ok guys

Apoorva says:

aa gaya saala

BIRD says:

ahhh..i can just hear tere liye in the background appoo

Apoorva says:

lemme get some orange jiuce.... i need some refreshment

BIRD says:

veer zaara song

BIRD says:

appoo saala humlogon ko bewda baneka bhag gaya

Aditya says:

FUCK BIRD I'M READING UR BLOG RITE NOW

Aditya says:

MRS.MOUSE?

Veer Zorro says:

appuuu ...

Veer Zorro says:

Giant Antispyware 1.0.288

IL.SOCIO.G9XECU8NA5HUA192

Aditya says:

WHAT THE FUCK?

Veer Zorro says:

serial key

Apoorva says:

sexaat

Aditya says:

abs please make sure burd stays busy and doesnt get time to go back to that

Aditya says:

BURD

Aditya says:

THATS A GOOD VARIATION OF BIRD

Apoorva says:

how owuld a drunkard call bird

Apoorva says:

burd

Aditya says:

hahahhahha

Apoorva says:

or maybe a south indian

Aditya says:

BURD IT IS

Apoorva says:

nah nah

Apoorva says:

nothing beats bird

Veer Zorro says:

hes always a birdwa to me

Apoorva says:

i say bakshi, charge bird for this nick name

Aditya says:

hahahhaha

Apoorva says:

he he

Aditya says:

BASTARD , BIRD U OWE ME 1,453,889$ IN ROYALTIES FOR THE NAME I CONFERRED ON U

Aditya says:

abs please try to get that moeny for me

Apoorva says:

abbs, where do u put the key?

Veer Zorro says:

file-register

Apoorva says:

oh okie... lol

Aditya says:

REMEMBIRD - IST THE MOST DEROGATORY PIECE OF LITERATURE I'VE EVER COME ACROSS

Apoorva says:

i frankly think he aint bad

Aditya says:

TOUCHE

BIRD says:

yes i am expecting booker for it

Aditya says:

BURD?

Apoorva says:

bird

Apoorva says:

if i notice on blogger

Apoorva says:

if u

Apoorva says:

they have a nanoblogger

Apoorva says:

where u can start a novel

BIRD says:

u bastard i'd already seen it & told u about it also

Apoorva says:

oh, ididt know u saw nano

Aditya says:

APOOOOOOOOOO

Apoorva says:

i thought u just wanted to start a novel

Apoorva says:

btw, abbs, high time u update your blog

Aditya says:

ABS - U TOO?

Apoorva says:

statueofpuberty.blogspot.com

BIRD says:

bhayanak maut

BIRD says:

i want this name for my blog

BIRD says:

padne se bhayanak maut

Apoorva says:

u can change it

BIRD says:

i'll keep this

BIRD says:

& start another blog

BIRD says:

for all the sadists in the world

Apoorva says:

no no... one is enuff

Aditya says:

watching 'just lose it' by emnem

Apoorva says:

we should all write to one blog as a team

Apoorva says:

bad idea... no one writes on nanguys anyways

Aditya says:

SERIOUSLY

Aditya says:

not a bad idea

BIRD says:

me & appoo communicate by writing comments on each others blogs

BIRD says:

ask pals to keep a blog

Apoorva says:

ha ha

BIRD says:

what happens if u put IB via IV

Apoorva says:

how things go about int he dollar store

Aditya says:

pals's blog - 'woke up today and realized my inner karma is the way to eternal truth......

Aditya says:

HAHAHHA

BIRD says:

hahahaha

BIRD says:

that bad?

Aditya says:

YUP

BIRD says:

it'll be nice to pass comment on it

Apoorva says:

he'll get raped

BIRD says:

so now i know who locks himself in the room

Aditya says:

he needs time with his 'inner self'

BIRD says:

that or u dont want to know ur inner self

BIRD says:

it'd be cool talking to pals

BIRD says:

inner self, the banian & the universe within

Aditya says:

could be!

Veer Zorro says:

im gonna push now ..

Aditya says:

hahahhahha

BIRD says:

title of my book blog

Veer Zorro says:

great dhammal speakin to u guys ..

Apoorva says:

hmmm.... us too abbs

Aditya says:

YUP MAN!

Apoorva says:

miss ya...

Apoorva says:

and the ttop

Veer Zorro says:

appuuu f1 maybe sometime ... tomorrow

Apoorva says:

n the n/w gaming

BIRD says:

when are u coming adit?

Aditya says:

dec 12th or so

Apoorva says:

okie.... lets try

Veer Zorro says:

and give eleena a call for heavens sakes

BIRD says:

hey someone miss me too

Apoorva says:

okie... will do

Aditya says:

ELEENAAAAAAAA?

Apoorva says:

btw, exult chaloo?

Aditya says:

APOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BIRD says:

elena

BIRD says:

the babe who has no shame

Veer Zorro says:

monday se

Aditya says:

haramkhaor hai apoo - pals n me arent talking to him unless he tells all

BIRD says:

who saw 2 guys stripping

Veer Zorro says:

bird u were stripping

Veer Zorro says:

dont talk bout shame

Veer Zorro says:

chal .. anyways ...

Veer Zorro says:

tudios

BIRD says:

but she watched it

Apoorva says:

tatas

Aditya says:

latert

Veer Zorro says:

u think?

Apoorva says:

btw, she loved birds belly

Veer Zorro says:

anyways ..

Veer Zorro says:

bye bhailog

Apoorva says:

bye bhias

Veer Zorro says:

put this on a blog

Apoorva says:

not mine

Veer Zorro says:

apuu u can remove ur bashing part

Veer Zorro says:

on urs ..

Veer Zorro says:

bird ur not permitted to remove urs

Apoorva says:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshowwog/msid-935762,curpg-5.cms

Aditya says:

ok birds - he doesnt have any literary standards?

Apoorva says:

here is indian kiss scene

Apoorva says:

diana hayden looks absolutely disgusted, rather than passionate,

Aditya says:

seriously

BIRD says:

hahahahahaha

BIRD says:

i swear

Aditya says:

i thought that was farrow for a sec

Apoorva says:

why do they do this

Apoorva says:

unless he is raping her, she aint a good actress

BIRD says:

yes that must be it

Apoorva says:

bakshi and his farro fixation

BIRD says:

woman raped by a kiss

BIRD says:

c'mon appoo

BIRD says:

farros mine

Aditya says:

now that u mention it - that could be it

BIRD says:

hey that guy must be having bad breath like written in the caption

BIRD says:

that could be the reason for the reaction

Apoorva says:

Aditya says:

bird - how many guys, gals, animals will u hadpofy?

Apoorva says:

BIRD says:

i wont stop

BIRD says:

till i die

Aditya says:

chalo biradrilog, time for me to hit scram too.

BIRD says:

my mom says never count what u have

Aditya says:

apoo, i'll discuss with u abt which shrink i'll send bird to iun dec

Apoorva says:

hmmmmmm

Apoorva says:

yeah, do that, I'll contribute $10 towards it

Apoorva says:

$20 if u kill him

Aditya says:

we'll have a nanguys releif fund.

Apoorva says:

world relief fund actully

Aditya says:

bird, there is still hope - dont despair

Apoorva says:

bird is like saddam

Apoorva says:

he might be dangerous to the world in the future

BIRD says:

me & dangerous?

Aditya says:

bird will get far in life - mark my words

BIRD says:

my only weapon is my blog

Aditya says:

ppl just havent realized it yet

BIRD says:

yes i think my office is relocating me

Apoorva says:

gupta saala

BIRD says:

i hope its not too far

Apoorva says:

bakshi, u have seen terminal right

Aditya says:

yup

Apoorva says:

that gupta chap in it... who watches people slip over water on the floor

Apoorva says:

thats bird

Aditya says:

FUCK no

BIRD says:

appoo chutiya

BIRD says:

apoo chutiya

Apoorva says:

what can be more far than ray road?

BIRD says:

CST

BIRD says:

mira road?

Apoorva says:

u will have pulkit for company

BIRD says:

i am happy looking at druggies

Apoorva says:

tu bhi druggie hai saala

BIRD says:

i wonder when i'll get some hashish for free

BIRD says:

i cant afford it

Aditya says:

medicinal marijuana

BIRD says:

whatever

Aditya says:

thats why i'm taking u to the shrink

BIRD says:

dope is in my head

BIRD says:

accha u'll get me prescription for marijuana

BIRD says:

cool

BIRD says:

i'd prefer coke but

BIRD says:

or IB via IV

BIRD says:

that'd be cool

BIRD says:

appoo u missed it

Aditya says:

BIRD says:

on thursday nite had lotsa daaru at ranjeets place & were listening to death metal

Apoorva says:

ranjeet?

BIRD says:

abs ka rocker friend

Apoorva says:

oh okie

BIRD says:

u dint meet him?

BIRD says:

neways adit when are u coming?

Apoorva says:

i donno.... even if i did i must be drunk to remember

Aditya says:

dec 12 or so

Apoorva says:

12th dec saale

Apoorva says:

kitne baar bolegaa woh?

Aditya says:

why?

BIRD says:

why is appoo getting angy?

Aditya says:

its ok apoo, its bird

Aditya says:

thaand rakh

BIRD says:

i havent participated in half of the conv. that u see above man

Apoorva says:

gaandu.... din main kitbaa wills maara yeh yaad hai terko

Aditya says:

hahhahaha

Aditya says:

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

BIRD says:

i am trying to earn my livelihood while talking with u guys

Aditya says:

HES GOT U THERE

Aditya says:

APOOS A SMART 1

BIRD says:

no i've gone beyond numbers

Aditya says:

chalo, 2:09am. time for zzzzzzz

BIRD says:

something precious like wills needs to be appreciated

Apoorva says:

i swear

Aditya says:

ppl, its been a pleasure

BIRD says:

abe its not evenlunch time

Apoorva says:

will talk to ya tomml. bakshi

BIRD says:

i'll have to work if u guys log off

Apoorva says:

after this u will have to pay us bird

Aditya says:

ok, apoo. bird, expect me to call u from down some evening

Apoorva says:

no no

BIRD says:

yes

Apoorva says:

bird has a cell now

BIRD says:

i'll leave a message with my mom

BIRD says:

bastard u ruined the punchline

Aditya says:

BUT I HAVE TO GO WITH TRADITION! PIYUU, PIYUUU AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE

BIRD says:

yes the world has to know i am going out for a smoke

BIRD says:

thank u adit

Apoorva says:

Aditya says:

hahahahah

Apoorva says:

piyu piyu.... come to smoke!!

BIRD says:

its like Allah - u - akbar

BIRD says:

every evening

Apoorva says:

its like lose 4 mins of my life every evening

Aditya says:

APOO, TU BHI SATAK LE, OR U'LL BE ONLINE FOREVER

BIRD says:

what life?

Apoorva says:

point

Aditya says:

i come online at 10 in the morning and apoos still online

Apoorva says:

Aditya says:

Apoorva says:

it means apoos dead on the laptop

Apoorva says:

anyways, later guys

Apoorva says:

i am off

Apoorva says:

tata

Aditya says:

chalo, good-byes all around!

Apoorva says:

was fun talking to ya bird... blog likhtey reh

Aditya says:

BIRD U WIMP

Apoorva says:

bird is at his boss again

Aditya says:

PUT THIS ON UR BLOG OR ELSE.........

Apoorva says:

chal, night bakshi

Aditya says:

chal apoo later

Apoorva says:

tata bird, when ever u read this

BIRD says:

chal guys

Aditya says:

NIGHT BIRD

Aditya says:

burd

Apoorva has left the conversation.

BIRD says:

always bird

Aditya says:

BURD.

BIRD says:

chal take care

Aditya says:

nite

Aditya has left the conversation.

Well there, have any of you ever felt disgusted by the way people compromise their ethics, principles etc. for money and/or fame, am sure there will be lot of examples springing to your mind, now you have mine too & just so that all the nanguys will read this blog.

Wonder Full

2004-11-26T01:10:00.000+05:30

Finally my stock audit is over & am happy to announce that the mouse family thats been staying in our godown are now proud parents of 6 kids (wonder what marine chemicals Mrs.Mouse had during her pregnancy?). So now that I have some time to spare here is the list of my thoughts:

I wonder why no one falls off the virat fast on Bandra platform nowadays, or has the show moved to another station?

I wonder when my boss'll travel by virar fast?

I wonder when i'll get my diwali bonus or do i dress up as a postman & go around?

I wonder why Welcome said that Wills supply in the city was disrupted & the stocks citywide were low, can I sue him for mental trauma?

I wonder why my company, a ship repairing unit, has 200 + nos. of thermos flasks in stock?

I wonder whether "she'll" remember me on "her" birthday tomm.?

I wonder why "she" gave me "her" rediffmail id 6 months ago, which if not operated for 2 months is shut?

I wonder whether its Reliance or me calling "her" that made "her" throw the phone?

I wonder if its God's justice that the 2 Ambanis are fighting?

I wonder whether Mother Ambani'll help me meet up with "her", after she sorts her sons problem, she owes me that on behalf of her sons

I wonder why the CST train comes on platform 6 instead of 7, it deprives people the excitement of crossing tracks & if i am lucky to see some old guys & aunties getting freaked when the motorman blows the horn

I wonder when my boss'll visit andheri stn?

I wonder why my home PC stops working frequently & my office PC never has any problems, what if i'd start working from home?

I wonder when appoo'll stop writing blogs?

Question.

2004-11-22T10:37:00.000+05:30

Been taking stock audit of my company these past couple of days. From top of containers to the basement saw every inch of my company. Found couple of interesting products there like, windproof matches & waterproof matches, which got me wondering, suppose there are matches which are both windproof & waterproof how do you extinguish such matches?

Driving Sucks

2004-11-16T08:30:00.000+05:30

Finally the tiredness of having driven from Andheri to Bhayander & back yesterday has left me after a good afternnon nap today. I have promised myself i'll never drive more than 2 Kms. roundtrip, that too if it's an emergency (like happy being closed etc.).

The tiredness was the mental trauma caused by my car having problems on the 4th gear on which the engine screamed a lot & my pop on the 3rd gear , dont know whether the engine was screaming on 3rd or not, had gone deaf before i reached Goregaon. Never ever drive with your pop on the passenger seat, in fact i am going to write in to the Transport Ministry to outlaw allowing pops to sit on the front passenger seat on highways. What the heck i hate driving with or without pop, hell, i even hate driving in the Formula I games. The only game i like to drive in is the Grand Theft Auto, & since driving like that in the real world is allowed only to the rickshaw drivers i dont see myself driving ever, except when Happy is closed & i have to search for other libraries to read.

Talking about Happy, just wished the owner eid mubarak, again the only person in the world who wishes me eid mubarak. I told him i was pleasantly surprised to find the shop open on eid & he replied no matter what day it is customers like me are more important. Forgot or was ashamed to tell him my feeling were exactly the same no matter what day it is I need a smoke & a cutting to end the day. Every time that happy has been closed the day has seemed to be incomplete. More on Happy some other day, for some other blog.

Happy Diwali

2004-11-15T00:45:00.000+05:30

Yes, finally was wished Happy Diwali for the first time this Diwali & it cost me Rs.40/- only. I am indebted to the Dept of Posts & Telegraphs, Govt. Of India to have employed such gentlemen who are about the only persons who wish me every year. Actually theres even the Telephone guys but somehow i dont feel as though they mean it. Its more like the Good Morning i wish my boss when i enter office, substitute for some abusive word. But the postal guys mean it, atleast i think they mean it.

I have no idea for the bias i have towards the postmen, maybe that khaki is my favourite colour. Or is it the respect that i have for them, because whenever i've seen postmen they are these lonely guys walking in the sun always going about their work.

Although theres one weird thing about them that i have noticed, you think that the postman would know all the roads & buildings of the area & he would be able to guide you when lost, it seems they cant, they are very poor at giving directions. The many times that i have asked for directions to postmen none have been able to help me. I've even asked the the local postman for the address of our building just to test my theory, without looking away from the envelop that he was reading he calmly informed me that i should eat almonds everyday to improve my failing memory. Aha, so this postman knew my building, he knew i stayed in that building so why do they refuse to hep people. Its my guess that they dont want to share their knowledge that they have learned by walking to & fro from the post office in the sun & rains , they probably expect us to learn it the hard way like they have. I have since then shifted to asking the local pan beedi shop owners, which also gives me a reason to smoke.

The Beginning

2004-11-13T01:10:00.000+05:30

I had promised myself & others too (under duress) that i would not write about things i think about, but the temptation was too strong to resist & i had to give in. Being an auspicious day,keep forgetting what it is, but definitely auspicious today is the day i decided to start.

Just got to work, comfortably, since today being a holiday for most of the organisations. Saw a totally empty Harbour train, which like me must've surprised the people living near the tracks since they kept on staring at the train, either that or the ladies compartment ahead had a really beautiful chick.

Like most of the suburban trains when they are empty people generally prefer to stand, at the door, the whole journey, no one cares for a window seat. The wind on your face the breath of a very busy city relaxing, sleeping. Magical. The train journey usually takes half an hour for me, which on any other day seems very long but on such days i just wish i could extend my journey just get to know this city which otherwise does not seem to have time for me.

As the train approaches my station i can view the old nerve center of the city, the old railway line to the docks, the huge godowns used for storing goods coming from all over, the old cotton exchange building. I just get to imagine all the places in their hey days, when the mills were in full swing in mumbai. Now mumbai's soul is no more here its in the suburbs as if the old city of workers has gotten old & retired. Central Mumbai is just a dead body now. And I am the lucky one who gets to visit her most of the week, dont feel happy about seeing this mumbai but feel the power it once had and am always in awe of it. On a holiday like this she seems like an orphan, alone. I can almost see the similarity between her and the drug addicts who sleep near the station. Alone, in some deep & troubled memories.

The Second leg consists of walking for 10 mins from the Station to my office along the railway line, which incidentally is also a synonym for public toilets. But a great tree lined road, just long enough to last my first cigarette of the day , this is also the place where my thoughts are interrupted by my colleagues, who no matter how fast I walk or how much i hide, always catch up with me & start with the work of the day. I leave all my thoughts of Mumbai on that road to pick them up when the day is spent & i am returning to catch the homeward train.